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Post by djlamar2 on Oct 12, 2010 18:34:09 GMT -8
Its another adventure. This time I figured that Squirk would come back. But what can he do now? No Flashstone so he can't bring the waters back. *Or can he?* We start with Megan going to see her friends. Its been 5 years since they defeated Wizacus and she has come by every day to check up on her friends. She is now in college but she still sees her mom, dad, Molly and Danny. She's talking to Moondancer and Sundance when we see her:
Megan: And I met this nice boy too.
Sundance: Ah to be in love.
Moondancer: Yuck. I think boys can be annoying.
Megan: You think that now Moondancer but someday you'll meet the pony of your dreams. *Sighs*
Moondancer: I guess.
Meanwhile in the depths of Ponyland Squirk is planning:
Crank: What are you thinking about boss.
Squirk: Thinking about how I can get back at Pluma and those ponies for wrecking my plans. So shut up. Knowing Megan she probably broke the Flashstone so no1 can use it again.
Crank: Can I think boss?
Squirk: No. I do the thinking.
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Post by djlamar2 on Oct 13, 2010 10:07:39 GMT -8
Meanwhile Pluma comes to Ponyland:
Pluma: Hey Megan. Long time no see.
Megan: Same here. How are you Pluma?
Pluma: I'm fine.
Baby Wishing Star: *Walking up* Hi Megan.
Megan: Hi Baby Wishing Star. *Twinkle Star comes out*
Twinkle Star: Hi Megan.
Megan: Hi Twinkle Star. Where is Ember and Cuddles?
Twinkle Star: In Paradise Estate.
Megan: O.K. Gosh your 6 now aren't you?
Twinkle Star: Yep.
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Post by djlamar2 on Oct 13, 2010 18:32:25 GMT -8
Back in the depths of Ponyland:
Squirk: If only that stupid Megan hadn't reversed that wish.
Crank: Yeah. Hm.
Squirk: What are you thinking about? I said only I can think!
Crank: You know something boss. I don't think its very nice of you to yell at me. When I have a plan.
Squirk: Tell me already.
Crank: Not till I get an apology.
Squirk: Tell me or I'll throw you into lava.
Crank: O.K. Boss. That's it. I quit! Those ponies were much nicer than you. *Goes and swims to the surface*
Squirk: Ah who needs ya.
Meanwhile on the surface Baby Heartthrob is sitting humming to herself when she sees Crank come up:
Baby Heartthrob: Crank! I'm gonna get Megan.
Crank: No just listen to me. Squirk has been mean to me all the time and I've had it. *Starts crying* Please don't be mad at me.
Baby Heartthrob: *Starting to cry* You were just used weren't you? *He nods* Now I really need to see Megan.
Crank: But what if she won't forgive me?
Baby Heartthrob: She will. *They go to her and Megan gets up* Wait Megan. Hear him out. *She nods and Crank tells of how Squirk was always yelling at him and hitting him and telling him to shut up*
Megan: I understand. So he's looking for another way to bring the waters back up huh?
Baby Wishing Star: He can stay can't he?
Megan: Sure.
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Post by djlamar2 on Oct 14, 2010 19:47:20 GMT -8
Squirk: Now let's see. *Looks in a book* Hm. Staff of unfulfilled wishes is out of the question. *Gets a glimmer in his eye* Aha. The flood crystal. (Yep) Now then where to find it.
Meanwhile back at Ponyland:
Wishing Star: There is another way he can bring the floods again. I heard about it.
Crank: Same here.
Windwhistler: Are you sure we can trust Crank?
Megan: He seems sorry enough.
Baby Heartthrob: He said he was sorry Windwhistler.
Windwhistler: Prove it. Help us out stop Squirk.
Crank: That I will.
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Post by djlamar2 on Oct 15, 2010 17:55:30 GMT -8
Squirk: Now where to find this Flood crystal. Hm. *Reads on* Yes there it is.
Meanwhile Danny, Molly, their mom and dad come riding in on the pegasies:
Megan: Mom. Dad.
Megan's Dad: You didn't think just because you were in college that we were gonna forget your friends.
Megan's Mom: is that Crank?
Crank: Sorry for all the trouble Squirk caused.
Megan: He's gonna help us out.
Molly: Are you sure we can trust him?
Megan: For now. *Whispers* If he turns on us we can trap him back in the river. *They all nod*
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Post by djlamar2 on Oct 16, 2010 18:13:05 GMT -8
Meanwhile Squirk is looking for the Flood crystal:
Squirk: Now let's see. *Looking around*
Meanwhile back at the surface:
Baby Heartthrob: Megan I have a bad feeling that Squirk will find the Flood Crystal.
Megan: I got it. *Takes out the Seashell that the Sea Ponies gave her years ago*
Megan's Dad: Ah the sea ponies. *A bunch of Sea ponies are seen*
Megan: Sea Spray look at you.
Sea Spray: Yep I'm not a baby anymore.
Megan: Cool. Hey can you take us down in the water?
Sea Spray: Sure. *Makes a bubble* There ya go. *They all jump in it*
Megan's dad: The air in here is quite breathable.
Megan: Yep.
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Post by djlamar2 on Oct 17, 2010 17:28:42 GMT -8
Squirk: Now to find that.... *Sees Megan and the others* Gr. They never give up. Crank you traitor.
Crank: Yeah and you'd better get used to it Squirk. No more being told to "Shut up"
Megan: How dare you be mean to Crank. No wonder he left.
Squirk: He's just a crab.
Megan: Yeah and your just a lobster. A mean 1.
Squirk: Don't I know it. *Looks behind him and sees the Flood Crystal* Aha. *Picks it up* Flood Crystal.
Megan: Gotta stop him. *Looks around* Got an idea. *Touches Fizzy* Mind if I use you?
Fizzy: Not a problem Megan. Go ahead.
Megan: Thanks. *Uses her to send a telepathic message to Pluma* Pluma listen Squirk has found the Flood Crystal. We need your help.
Pluma: Got it. *Heads down*
Squirk: Pluma. *She grabs the Flood Crystal and throws it so hard it shatters into 8 pieces and scatters into different places*
Pluma: Now use it.
Squirk: No matter. I'll find them. *Heads out*
Pluma: After him. *They all nod*
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Post by djlamar2 on Oct 18, 2010 16:21:39 GMT -8
Megan: We gotta see where they went. *They head up to the surface and see pieces going to different places*
Megan's dad: Guess we gotta split up. Fizzy can we team up? Never been with a unicorn.
Fizzy: Sure.
Megan's mom: Me and Surprise will team up.
Megan: O.K. me and Wishing Star will team up.
Crank: I'll team up with. *Frowns as Baby Lickety-Split gives him an evil look*
Megan: Baby Lickety-Split. He is on our side.
Baby Lickety-Split: Yeah right.
Lickety-Split: Young lady.
Baby Lickety-Split: Yes mama.
Lickety-Split: He doesn't seem to wanna be evil.
Crank: She shouldn't have to trust me. I did so many bad things. *Sighs and starts crying*
Megan's dad: That's not right.
How could you be so cold (With Megan's dad and Molly, Danny Megan and Megan's mom):
Megan:
How can you be so cold?
So rigid and controlled?
How can your heart be so small?
Haven't you any feelings at all?
Megan's dad:
How can you be so hard?
Why don't you drop your guard?
Megan:
You have some warmth deep inside
Why should that be the feeling you hide?
Megan's mom:
There's room enough for everyone
In this world in which we live
Megan:
Can't you find it in your heart to forgive?
All:
Why don't you show some love?
Some warm and tender love?
Megan:
It'll come back a thousand fold and you'll wonder
All:
How you could have been so cold. *Baby Lickety-Split gets a tear in her eye and starts bawling*
Baby Lickety-Split: I'm sorry Crank. Please don't be mad. Please don't cry.
Crank: I'm nothing but a monster.
Baby Lickety-Split: Pony feathers. Its Squirk who is the monster. Not you. *Hugs him and he gets a look in his eye like 1 he never has before*
Crank: What is this I'm feeling? Its warm and nice.
Megan: Happiness.
Crank: So this is what true happiness is. *Laughs but not evilly but a kind of happy laugh* I.... I laughed. Not an evil laugh but a happy 1. *Starts crying* Why am I crying if I'm happy?
Megan: They are happy tears.
Crank: Can we be friends Baby Lickety-Split?
Baby Lickety-Split: Sure.
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Post by Marbletoast on Oct 21, 2010 7:38:04 GMT -8
 Heeeee! That's cute, and sounds very much like something from the old cartoons.  Way to bring Meagan's family into the story, that's pretty cool. And you're good at writing little songs that sound like they could be in the cartoons. ^_^ (Maybe Meagan's Mom and Dad should have names?) I like that scene. ^__^ Yay for redemption! Your dialogue is good, and your stories are exciting, but I just ITCH for some visual context! It is a little hard to get into the story with ONLY dialogue, you know what I mean? Even in a screen-play format. Especially with scenes like Pluma and Megan meeting--it becomes anticlimactic without some narration. You could include them as stage directions, or bits of narration--something to set the speech inside. I have never been real good at reading screen-play/script stuff; probably a weakness of mine. But It feels like it needs some body to it. You have some cool ideas rooted in the canon, which I honestly don't see often, but you present them in such a a whirlwind fashion, we don't get much chance to get really involved. Here, for instance--this is, I believe, what you intend to be a very climactic scene. But I can't really follow what is going on without clues as to where people are moving, who is where in relation to what, etc. You could also gain a lot of character development and interest through emotional descriptions--"Crank, you traitor!", for instance, would be a lot more powerful if we saw some visual clues of rage, etc. I hoep that make sense and isn't just rambling. I feel like you're taking some really good ideas but not giving them enough time to really develop. You don't need to rush story concepts just to update. Any one of these ideas could be fleshed out into quite a fanfiction, there is so much there. Have you ever considered trying your hand at a paragraph style? |
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Post by djlamar2 on Oct 25, 2010 20:02:25 GMT -8
Heeeee! That's cute, and sounds very much like something from the old cartoons. Way to bring Meagan's family into the story, that's pretty cool. And you're good at writing little songs that sound like they could be in the cartoons. ^_^ (Maybe Meagan's Mom and Dad should have names?) well actually she has a name in the Magic of Ponyland. Might use that 1 or another. anyway back to the story. Megan: Dad we have to get those shards. Megan's dad: Yeah. Sweet Stuff: You know. We never got their names yet? Megan's dad: Oh yeah. Silly me. I'm Tom. Megan's mom: And I'm Christine. Sweet Stuff: Nice to meet you both. Anyway off to stop Squirk. *They all split up into 8 teams but Megan seems concerned* Christine: What's wrong Megan? Megan: The babies. Its too dangerous out there to fight Squirk. *Just then a pony that looks like Baby Shady walks up* Baby Shady? Baby Shady: Aw. You still call me Baby Shady. *Blushes* Its O.K I still prefer to be called that. Megan don't worry about the younger ponies me and Baby Lickety-Split will watch them. Megan: Good idea. Such a brave little pony. |
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Post by djlamar2 on Oct 26, 2010 9:23:22 GMT -8
Megan and Fizzy goes to Niblic's where they see the shard land:
Megan: Niblic.
Niblic: Megan good to see you. *Holds out a shard* What is this buddy?
Megan: Its a shard of the Flood Crystal. Pluma destroyed the crystal but it broke into 8 pieces.
Niblic: Wow. *Squirk comes out*
Squirk: *Laughing evilly* The 1st shard.
Niblic: Stay away from my friend Squirk.
Meanwhile Molly and Shady comes to the Ice palace:
Molly: I wonder if the king will let us have it.
Shady: Guess we'll find out.
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Post by djlamar2 on Nov 2, 2010 18:58:28 GMT -8
Molly: Ice King.
Ice King: Hi Molly. Good to see you.
Molly: Same here. Hey have you seen a shard somewhere?
Ice King: Sure have. Here. I don't need it. But it seems really important.
Molly: It is.
Ice King: Anyway. What you need it for?
Molly: See. *Tells of how Squirk is back and tried to use the Flood Stone to flood Ponyland again* And when Pluma destroyed it. It broke into 8 shards.
Shady: And now we need it to stop him.
Ice King: Wow. Can I come? I've been wanting to see Ponyland and I wanna get Squirk for trying to flood Ponyland again. You are my friends and I don't want anything happening to you.
Molly: Sure.
Meanwhile at Niblic's place:
Troll: *Walking out* You sir are making a mess. Get out of here at once.
Squirk: When I get that shard then I'll leave.
Troll: That shard. I am afraid not. That belongs to my friends. *Picks him up and tosses him away*
Megan: Wow.
Troll: I was the best in my karate class and I still have a few moves. Hmph. I'm a black belt.
Fizzy: *Whispering* Remind me never to make him mad.
Troll: Oh don't worry. I would never get mad at my friends. Now take that shard. You wouldn't believe its power. It made this place spotless in under 30 seconds.
Megan: Wow. Are you sure you wanna give it to us? *He nods* Thanks.
Niblic: No problem. You did wish I had a friend after all. Its the least I could do.
Megan: You don't owe us anything Niblic.
Niblic: I know. But your my friends. And friends help each other. You taught me that.
Megan: Yep.
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Post by djlamar2 on Nov 16, 2010 20:32:27 GMT -8
Meanwhile Megan's dad and Windwhistler head toward Screerah since the shard they saw landed near there:
Tom: Now let's see.
Windwhistler: Oh Scree. *Fleetfoot is seen*
Fleetfoot : Hi Windwhistler: I knew you'd come.
Windwhistler: Not another trinket to tell you that I hope.
Scree: Nope. But we did find another trinket. *Pulls out a shard* This belong to you?
Windwhistler: In a way yes.
Fleetfoot: You can have it if you want.
Windwhistler: That's very kind of you.
Fleetfoot: Its the least we could do to undo what we did to you Windwhistler.
Tom: What did they do?
Windwhistler: They tricked us one time by betting I would lose a race to Fleetfoot. They knew I'd lose anyway thanks to a horseshoe.
Tom: Oh yeah. Mimic's horseshoes right?
Windwhistler: Yep.
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Post by djlamar2 on Nov 17, 2010 19:31:20 GMT -8
At the home of the Green mountain elves Molly and Lofty go to see Maive. When they knock on the door they see an elf that looks like Maive but much older:
Lofty: Maive?
Maive: Lofty. Been awhile girl.
Lofty: Yeah. Hey you wouldn't know anything about a shard would ya?
Maive: Sure do. Come on in. *She goes to a room* Oh princess Cat. *A little girl comes out holding a shard* These people want this shard honey?
Cat: They your friends mama?
Maive: Yes. They are also friends of that sick unicorn from years ago I helped save remember?
Cat: Yeah. *Just then Squirk is seen* Ah! Who's that?
Squirk: You know this place is high. Hand over that shard if you know what's good for you.
Cat: No. You no ask politely. Or tell why you need it. Besides it belongs to mama's friends.
Squirk: O.K then. You asked for it. *Grabs her* If you value your daughter's life tell her to let go. Or I let go and its a long way down. *Cat bites him* Ow. You little twerp. Let go of me. *He throws her about but in the process loses his grip on the building and he drops Cat as well*
Maive: Cat.
Lofty: I'll save her. *She flies out the window and sees her plummeting to the ground* Cat grab ahold of my mane. *She does* Hold on *She does a loop-de-loop and flies back up*
Maive: Oh thanks Lofty.
Cat: Horsey nice. Cat wanna give shard to her no matter what now.
Lofty: Thanks Cat. Let's head back Molly.
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Post by djlamar2 on Nov 19, 2010 21:05:51 GMT -8
Meanwhile Christine and Heartthrob go looking in the gnome mines:
Christine: Gosh its been awhile since we came here. Last time we were here was when..... Well when Baby Mimic was born.
Heartthrob: Yes and what a miracle she is. *They go in and see the gnome king* Hi gnome king.
Gnome King: Lemme guess. Your looking for a shard right?
Christine: Yes. How'd you know?
Gnome King: Saw it plummeting to here a few minutes ago. Here take it.
Christine: No riddles for us to answer?
Gnome King: Nope. You answered my question truthfully and that's good enough. Go ahead take it.
Christine: Thanks.
Meanwhile Lickety-Split and Windwhistler go to see the Goblin cave since they saw it land somewhere near there.
Lickety-Split: I hope they give it to us.
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. 
Heeeee! That's cute, and sounds very much like something from the old cartoons.