Al1701
Series
Starving Meteorologist
Posts: 2,073
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Post by Al1701 on Feb 20, 2012 8:18:57 GMT -8
Back to more immediate matters.
I'm working on the frazzit episode right now. I was wonder if anyone knows at the UK comic version of Wind Whistler. I've heard she's a whistling feather brain. I'm thinking of making her under frazzit influence like her comic persona, so I would like to know more about her.
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firehooves
Series
avatar by Storm Runner
Posts: 591
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Post by firehooves on Feb 20, 2012 9:33:49 GMT -8
Cool, I loved mish mash meele!
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Al1701
Series
Starving Meteorologist
Posts: 2,073
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Post by Al1701 on Feb 24, 2012 10:46:22 GMT -8
I just got done writing the episode and it was on the long side at 31 pages not including the title page. The thing is, I could have made it even longer. I wanted to have more antics with feather-brained Wind Whistler and capturing the frazzits. I probably could have made this a two-parter.
Time to edit this puppy. I put a lot of heart into this one, so I hope you all tell me what you think when I post it.
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Al1701
Series
Starving Meteorologist
Posts: 2,073
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Post by Al1701 on Feb 25, 2012 2:20:28 GMT -8
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firehooves
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avatar by Storm Runner
Posts: 591
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Post by firehooves on Feb 25, 2012 15:17:27 GMT -8
Hm, I kinda liked it, hurricane and Compass were cool. Why'd you leave the dell dwellers out though? I really liked the idea of gnomes caring for the forest the way Equestria's pony care for the weather and seasons.
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Al1701
Series
Starving Meteorologist
Posts: 2,073
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Post by Al1701 on Feb 26, 2012 3:07:52 GMT -8
Uh, they were in there. That's how they got the barrel.
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firehooves
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avatar by Storm Runner
Posts: 591
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Post by firehooves on Feb 26, 2012 7:43:15 GMT -8
Oh yeah, sorry, I really did miss that, the barrel was sitting by itself. ><
But yeah, Wind Whistler should've been acting crazy longer. that was the flaw of the original 10 minute episode, we didn't get to see the flipped ponies do much.
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Al1701
Series
Starving Meteorologist
Posts: 2,073
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Post by Al1701 on Feb 26, 2012 8:48:33 GMT -8
I have to agree I could have done more with them. However, this episode was long as it was and there wasn't a scene I could do away with to make room for it. I could have easily made this two parts (probably dropping the witch episode and moving the bushwoolies to after the mid-season climax.)
The biggest thing stopping me was the fact the kingdom was in a panic and they were trapped in Dream Castle. That really limited the antics Wind Whistler could have with Seashell and Sunbeam. I could see them as three girls on the town getting their hooves done and all, but not during a frazzit infestation. I also wanted to make flipped Wind Whistler behave like Wind Whistler in the UK comic, but I don't know much about her beyond she's a whistling ditz.
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Al1701
Series
Starving Meteorologist
Posts: 2,073
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Post by Al1701 on Mar 6, 2012 2:51:06 GMT -8
I took a little bit of a break, but I'm back to writing episode 8.
I've actually been keeping track of the ponies I've introduced. One of the 55 canonical land mares I'm using in the first season (1983 ponies through the first So Soft Ponies and Twinkled Eyed Ponies,) 28 were introduced over the course of Cold War and two more were introduced in this latest episode. At least five more will be introduced in this next episode as we meet Gusty's coworkers. That means there are only twenty left to introduce.
And I don't want to sound like I'm begging, but I would really like to hear your thoughts. I want to know what you think I did and what I can improve on or revise.
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firehooves
Series
avatar by Storm Runner
Posts: 591
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Post by firehooves on Mar 6, 2012 8:57:23 GMT -8
My opinion is your doing a good job. You've managed to rewrite G1 into an entertaining story, and you've shown the characters like Wind Whistler and Fizzy the proper respect, and created a series that would be a worthy reboot of dream valley. What your doing right-
Developing your mane cast- Megan and Wind Whistler are very well written here, to the point that I think most Megan haters would actually like her. And character driven eps- like the Flutterbye spider ep- are very well written.
Good Story arc plots- this whole thing with Charlatan and the recovered ancient tech has me intrigued. The possibilities for episode material based on 'ponies find ancient devices' are nigh endless.
Good usage of characters- you've put ponies in jobs that makes sense given their names and marks.
There are some things I would have done differently myself, like:
-Choice of a 'Main six'- Wind Whistler and Gusty should definitely be there, but many of the others I feel work better as guest stars instead of main cast members. And Flutterbye is cool, but there is going to be too many comparisons/confusion with Fluttershy.
-Too much slice of life- This is FiM's shtick, this show needs something to set it apart. The balance should be tipped in favor of Villain episodes.
Selection of Villains, and where they go in the season- as awesome as your opening eps are, I just can't see King Charlatan and those penguins as season opening villains. Or the Gizmonks enslaving the ponies- these villains should be one ep wonders. The heavies should be opening and closing the seasons, and be the ones seriously tied into the back stories.
Too many ponies too quickly- I feel many of the 'guest star' ponies aren't getting enough development, there should be one or two 'focus' guest stars per ep, with the rest being one liners, background ponies, or cameos until their episode comes up.
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Al1701
Series
Starving Meteorologist
Posts: 2,073
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Post by Al1701 on Mar 10, 2012 5:35:47 GMT -8
I make a point of naming the canon ponies and describing them when they debut because they are canon ponies.
Frankly, it would be nice if I could find someone who could draw character sheets. I would like some art to go with this, but I can't draw.
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firehooves
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avatar by Storm Runner
Posts: 591
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Post by firehooves on Mar 10, 2012 9:01:22 GMT -8
lol, I know how you feel, I wish I had art for my stuff, too.
Seriously though, your stuff is really, really good! I might be able to give you an episode by episode anaylisis it that's what you want, but that'll have to wait until the end of the semester.
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Al1701
Series
Starving Meteorologist
Posts: 2,073
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Post by Al1701 on Mar 10, 2012 10:36:24 GMT -8
I can wait for it.
I'm working on episode 8 at the moment.
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Al1701
Series
Starving Meteorologist
Posts: 2,073
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Post by Al1701 on Mar 12, 2012 4:14:21 GMT -8
And here is episode 8, Helping Hooves. A few years ago, I spent a summer working on a horse ranch, so I have a little experience with what goes on on one. 1x08: Helping Hooves
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Al1701
Series
Starving Meteorologist
Posts: 2,073
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Post by Al1701 on Mar 14, 2012 18:42:48 GMT -8
Just some random notes as they will come up.
I've changed the species of some ponies. You probably know by now the Mountain Boys are unicorns in my work. However, there are a couple others. Peachy is now a unicorn basically to make her running the grooming parlor easier. Bow-Tie and Coat 'n Tails are pegasi too along their their foals.
I've also worked out the difficult issue of working in the 1984 baby ponies. Baby Firefly and especially Baby Surprise have been giving me fits from a writing standpoint. Firefly isn't mother material by any stretch of the imagination and Surprise is barely a mare. I figure I can make some kind of mother out of Firefly even if she approaches life with reckless abandon. Little Bow-Tie takes Baby Surprise's place, but Surprise was a third, so she's always been her coloration. It might explain why she came out before her "mother" both in the cartoon and the toyline.
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