Rock N Roll Equestrian Style

[powerpup97]

Hey, Everypony! I'm just posting the first chapter to the first MLP:FIM fanfic I ever wrote. It's finally time for a text version of this fanfic to be on the Internet! I plan to post one chapter of it per day. I also appreciate feedback from other members.

So, lets begin...

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Rock N Roll Equestrian Style[/u]

Chapter 1: A Morning with Spike and Twilight[/u]

It was yet another typical day in Ponyville. The ponies were doing their everyday activities. Over in the tree where Twilight Sparkle housed her private library, she was busy doing her normal tasks. It was late in the morning, and Spike woke up realizing he had overslept. Spike jumped out of bed freaking out and ran up to Twilight.

“Twilight!” he shouted. “I’m sorry I overslept, but I’m ready to start working! What do you need me to do?”

“Oh, it’s okay, Spike,” Twilight responded with confidence. “I’m giving you the day off today. Now that you’re up, however, I have kind of misplaced my quill. Think you can help me find it?”

“I’m on it!” saluted Spike.

He started searching the floors. He searched and searched and searched, until finally, he found the quill. It was located under Twilight’s body (at least where she was standing).

“I found it, Twilight,” he said as he picked it up, but then, Twilight started to giggle because the feather of the quill was tickling her stomach. Realizing she was ticklish, Spike decided to take advantage with the quill and tickle her belly some more. Twilight laughed so hard that she dropped to the ground. Eventually, Twilight used her magic to put an end to it.

“Okay, Spike, that’s enough,” she said. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’ve got some serious work to catch up on.”

“All you ever do is work and study,” Spike moaned. “You rarely ever make some time to have fun.”

"Don’t worry, Spike,” Twilight said. “All I need to do is schedule these next two weeks, and then we can have some fun.”

A half hour later, Twilight was finally finished.

“Okay, Spike,” she said. “So what do you want to do for fun today?”

Suddenly, Spike belched out two scrolls.

"Two letters from the princess?” Twilight wondered. “That’s unusual.”

One of the scrolls has a tag attached to it that said, “Read this first.” Obeying the tag, Spike unraveled the scroll and read it to Twilight:

“My faithful student, Twilight. Three weeks from today, Canterlot will be holding its annual Battle of the Bands celebration. I would like to invite you and your friends to come to this event and watch our many talented bands competing in this competition, and route for your favorites. Please respond at your earliest convenience, and let me know if you or any of your friends are interested in coming, and I will send you tickets for the event.”

After reading the scroll, Spike opened the second scroll, which was a flyer for the Battle of the Bands. Twilight used her magic to check out the flyer.

"Sounds pretty interesting,” she said. “I think I’d love to go, and so would my friends. We’d never turn down an opportunity to attend a big event in Canterlot.”

"So are you gonna go?” Spike asked.

“I don’t know,” said Twilight. “I may need to think about it, and tell the other ponies about this, and see what they have to say.”

Suddenly, her stomach growled. Laughing nervously, Twilight said, “I guess my stomach is trying to tell me it’s time to eat.”

“Hey,” said Spike, “I’m having déjà vu here!”

“I know what you mean, Spike,” said Twilight, “but I don’t think this will be quite as stressful as the whole Grand Galloping Gala incident! Oh, but that reminds me! Today, the other ponies and I are going out to lunch. We planned this a few days ago. How can I almost forget?”

Just then, Spike got an idea, but he didn’t tell Twilight. Instead, he said to her, “Alright, well, you go ahead and go do that.”

"Don’t you want to come along too, Spike?” asked Twilight.

"Nah,” Spike answered. “You probably need some girly-girl time alone with all your girl friends.”

"You sure, Spike?” asked Twilight. “We don’t mind having you tag along. I’ll even let you ride on my back. Maybe even Rarity will do the same.”

“As tempting as that may sound, I’ll have to decline this time,” answered Spike.

"Okay,” Twilight said in an unsure voice as she started to walk out the door. As she was leaving, Spike said one last thing to Twilight: “When you guys are all done with lunch, bring everyone back here, okay?”

"How come?” Twilight asked even more confused.

"Oh, you’ll see,” said Spike.

Twilight just rolled her eyes and said, “Whatever.”

When Twilight was gone, Spike closed the door and quickly wrote up a letter and sent it away.

[powerpup97]

Chapter 2: Out to Lunch[/u]

Meanwhile, at a local restaurant, Twilight and all her friends were gathered together just as they had planned.

“Well, it sure is nice for us to all have a big lunch together,” said Applejack.

“Isn’t it great?” Pinkie Pie exclaimed with excitement.

“It sure is, Pinkie,” said Rainbow Dash. “You always pick the best restaurants!”

Even though Twilight wasn’t as close to Rainbow and Pinkie as she was to the other three ponies, she was glad to see the two of them getting along with each other quite well.

"Say, something doesn’t seem right here,” said Rarity. “Where is my Spikey-Wikey? Didn’t he want to come join us?”

“Actually, Rarity, he didn’t,” said Twilight. “He didn’t really explain why, but he wants us all to come over to my library this afternoon after we eat. He’s got some sort of surprise for us.”

"Ooh, really?” asked Pinkie excited. “I love surprises!”

“Yes, Pinkie, we know,” scoffed Applejack.

Pinkie then corrected herself, “Well, actually, I prefer to surprise ponies, but I wouldn’t mind getting surprised myself.”

“I hope whatever this surprise is isn’t something scary,” said Fluttershy.

“I hope it’s something beautiful,” said Rarity.

“I hope it’s something awesome!” said Rainbow Dash.

Twilight shrugged and said, “Well, knowing Spike, he’s sure to please all of us. Although, something tells me it has something to do with this.” She held up the flyer for the Battle of the Bands that Princess Celestia had delivered to her earlier that day and showed it to her friends. Naturally, they all got excited, and Twilight began to talk about it.

[Dr. Pain]

(Nice intro)

[powerpup97]

Apr 16, 2013 18:32:49 GMT -8 Dr. Pain said:

(Nice intro)

Thanks for the comment, even though you weren't really commenting on the content of the fanfic. Well, here's chapter 3:

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Chapter 3: Rock Formations[/u]

Later that day, when the ponies had finished their lunch out, they all went to Twilight’s library. Twilight noticed a note on the front door; it read: “Please knock and wait until I answer the door before entering.”

“Okay, now Spike is really acting suspicious,” Twilight said before she knocked on the door with her hoof.

Spike instantly opened the door, for he was excited to bring the ponies in to show them whatever he had planned.

“Hey, everypony!” Spike cheered. “Glad you could all make it! Come on in!”

The ponies walked inside and noticed all this band equipment spread all over the library floor. There were amplifiers, cords, microphones, and of course, instruments, and they were all set up and ready to be used.

“Spike, what is going on here?” Twilight asked suspiciously, “and where did you acquire all this stuff?”

“Well, Twilight,” Spike explained, “while you and your friends were out, I sent a letter to Princess Celestia saying that we would be honored to attend the Battle of the Bands in Canterlot, but I think we’d be so honored that we’d want to compete in the contest.”

“You what?” Twilight shouted in shock. “Well, not that I have a problem with it, I’m sure it’ll be fun, but where did you get all this equipment?”

Spike went on, “Well, I realized that we had no such equipment here in Ponyville, so I asked the Princess in my letter where would be a good place to look. Surprisingly, she was kind and generous enough to save me some time by delivering this equipment right here. Of course, you don’t want to know how I felt when I belched this stuff out! Whoo-hoo! It sure was something!”

"I see,” Twilight said.

"This is so totally awesome, Spike!” Rainbow Dash squealed. “When do we start practicing?”

“Right now,” said Spike with a grin.

Spike took out a clipboard and began to assign the ponies to their band positions. “Now then,” he said. “Since this whole thing was my idea, I am electing myself as the band manager. As band manager, it is my job to assign you six your killer positions!”

“Where did he learn that?” Applejack asked alongside Twilight who just shrugged at AJ’s response.

Spike then spoke to each pony.

“Rainbow Dash,” he said, “since you are the coolest and most awesome pony in the group, I’m giving you the most awesome position in the band: the lead guitarist.”

"That is awesome alright!” smirked Rainbow Dash.

Spike went on, “Applejack, as the country girl, I am assigning you as the rhythm guitarist.”

“Fine by me,” said Applejack.

"Rarity,” Spike continued, “since you’re a very beautiful girl, I’ve given you the most beautiful-sounding instrument in the band. You will be the keyboardist.”

Rarity giggled flirtatiously.

Spike continued, “Fluttershy, I know that you’re shy and don’t like to do very much, so that’s why I’m assigning you to be the bass player.”

Fluttershy just nodded.

“Now, Pinkie, I know how much you love to have fun, so that’s why I felt you’d be most appropriate for the drummer.”

“Whoo-hoo!” Pinkie cheered. “I love the drums.”

"What about me, Spike?” asked Twilight. “All the instruments have been taken. Am I not good enough for you or something?”

Spike was shocked at this, so he answered Twilight, “Twilight, of course you’re important. In fact, you’re the most important pony here. You’re the leader. That’s why I assigned you the most important position in the band: the lead singer.”

“Oh,” said Twilight. “I guess that does make sense. Thanks, Spike.”

The other ponies admitted that Twilight did have a beautiful singing voice. Comfortable with their positions, each pony decided to practice with their instruments to get used to them and get in tune.

That night, after the other ponies left Twilight’s library, Twilight spent the evening writing a song for the band to play.

[powerpup97]

Hope you guys are reading this and finding it interesting.

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Chapter 4: Practice Makes Perfect[/u]

The next day, everyone arrived back at Twilight’s house. They decided to have rehearsals every day around the same time. Of course, they had to work around everyone’s schedules like Applejack’s duties with her family, Fluttershy’s feeding times for her animals, and Rarity’s appointments. Like all bands, however, the ponies did have some hard times with each other during their rehearsals. At one point, Pinkie started playing out of control so loud that nobody could hear anything else but the drums.

“PINKIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Twilight shouted as loud as she could.

Pinkie stopped. “Yes, Twilight?” she responded.

“Pinkie, you’re playing too loud!” said Twilight.

“Aren’t I supposed to be loud?” asked Pinkie. “I am the drummer. Or am I not good enough for you?”

“It’s not that,” said Twilight. “It’s just that you’re playing so loud that nopony else can hear themselves. Just play normally, and also, stay on the beat. You and Fluttershy are the rhythm section, so it’s your jobs to make sure we keep the rhythm of the song.”

“Okie-dokie-lokie!” said Pinkie with a smile!

Twilight then trotted up to Rarity and said, “Rarity, play me a C minor.”

“What’s that?” Rarity asked.

Twilight groaned, “I don’t get this. Every pony I know who plays the piano can play all these beautiful concertos, yet they can’t identify a single chord?”

“I know what you mean, Twilight,” said Rainbow Dash. “I don’t get how every pony seems to know how to play ‘Foal Elise’ on the piano, when I can’t even play a darn thing! Although, I am wicked on the guitar!”

“Now that you brought that up, Dash,” said Twilight, “let’s try your solo. You ready for that?”

“Ready to rock and roll, Twilight!” Dash answered.

Twilight counted off the band. Everyone played while Dash played her solo on the guitar. Unfortunately, she got so overwhelmed while playing that she went out of control. In fact, so out of control that the others were forced to stop while she kept on going. Realizing she was the only one playing, Rainbow Dash stopped and noticed the other ponies glaring at her. She gave a nervous grin.

"You know what?” said Twilight. “Forget it! If you ponies aren’t going to take this seriously, then I’m quitting the band!”

“Me too!” yelled Applejack. “I’m not gonna settle with all this here mumbo jumbo!”

"I don’t see any need to be here either,” added Rarity.

"Well, if you guys aren’t playing, then I’m not playing either!” shouted Pinkie.

“Oh yeah?” Rainbow Dash butted in. “Who’s the one who plays so crazy all the time, huh?”

“Oh, that’s funny coming from somepony who does the same exact thing!” countered Fluttershy.

The arguments between the six ponies continued until finally, Spike broke up the argument by yelling, “QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Everyone stopped except for Pinkie Pie who was saying something completely random, but then she shut up. “Listen, guys,” said Spike. “Arguing isn’t going to get us anywhere. The Battle of the Bands is just a few days away, and we still need to practice. So please, could we all just get along with each other and stay focused on this song? You guys have been close friends for as long as I can remember, and I really don’t want to see you guys break up. Believe me, we can give a performance they’ll never forget. All you guys need to do is work together.”

All the ponies heard Spike’s words and took them into account.

“Spike is right,” said Fluttershy. “We did get a little out of control.”

“I guess I did kind of get carried away,” said Rainbow Dash.

“Ditto,” said Pinkie.

“I shouldn’t have lost my temper,” said AJ. “I’m sorry, y’all.”

“I can’t believe I let my egotism get to me again!” said Rarity.

“Okay, girls,” said Twilight in a positive tone. “Let’s get back to rehearsing, and let’s work together to give these ponies a performance they’ll never forget!”

“Yeah!” everyone cheered, and they all went back to rehearsing.

[powerpup97]

Chapter 5: Let's Rock![/u]

Eventually, the big day came. Spike and the six ponies were taking their train up to Canterlot while a team of rowdy ponies delivered their equipment up to set it up on the stage. Everypony was really excited at first, but once the event started, they started getting nervous.

"Okay, girls,” said Twilight. “After this act is finished, we’re up. Is everypony ready?”

“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be, Twilight,” said Applejack.

“I’m ready to rock this joint like there’s no tomorrow!” cheered Rainbow Dash. “Although, I wonder why we’re going last.”

"Well, Rainbow Dash,” said Rarity, “they do always save the best for last.”

“I’m a little scared,” said Fluttershy. “I hope I don’t make a fool out of myself.”

Pinkie Pie was nervously running in place on her hind hooves. “I think I’ve got butterflies in my tummy!” she said. “I should let them out before they get digested, and fast!” Pinkie let out a humongous belch, and a few butterflies flew out of her mouth. “Ahhh,” she sighed, “now I feel much better!”

Spike came in and talked to the ponies: “You guys will be great. I promise you. Even if we don’t win, at least we still had fun. Just remember everything I told you and what we did in rehearsals, and I promise the show will rock."

The band that was on had just finished their song. Once they left, the girls all got into their places.

Princess Luna walked out onto the stage. She announced, “And now, mares and colts, we have our last act of the night. This band was a last minute entry, but they’re ready to close the show for us. It’s a band of six ponies all the way from Ponyville who are here for the first time performing for our annual Battle of the Bands. So without further ado, let’s all give it up for…The Twilight Sparkle Band!!!”

Everyone applauded as the curtain opened revealing Twilight and the others ready to rock and roll.

Twilight counted the band off: “A-one, a-two, a-one two three four!” and they started playing:

Sweet music (ooh sweet music)
That's what I hear when you appear (ooh-ooh)
Sweet music (ooh sweet music)
Life is in tune when you are near

When you are gone
The song just isn't there
But then I see your face again
And music fills the air (fills the air)

Sweet music (ooh sweet music)
I love the sound when you're around (ooh-ooh)
Sweet music (ooh sweet music)
Beautiful harmony's about

I know our song will never die (never die)
We make sweet music, you and I

*Guitar Solo*

Sweet music (ooh sweet music)
I love the sound when you're around (ooh-ooh)
Sweet music (ooh sweet music)
Beautiful harmony's about

I know our song will never die (never die)
We make sweet music, you and I (you and I)
We make sweet music, you and I (you and I)
We make sweet music, you and I

Naturally, every pony in Canterlot loved the performance. The ponies were so proud of their performance that they cheered for themselves and congratulated each other for doing such an awesome job, and they were even more happy that they all had fun together.

Suddenly, Princess Celestia walked onto the stage right up to the ponies.

“Princess Celestia!” Twilight gasped as she and the other ponies bowed.

"That will not be necessary, girls,” Princess Celestia said.

The ponies put themselves at ease.

“Well, my little ponies,” said the princess, “I could see that you all had fun on that stage.”

“We sure did,” said Twilight.

"Yeah! We had a blast!” cheered Rainbow Dash.

“Whoo!” cheered Pinkie.

"Well, I’m glad you did,” said the princess, “because my sister and I both agree that of all the acts that performed, we loved yours the best.”

“Really?” the ponies all gasped in shock.

“We were both honored that you ponies decided to form a band together and come to this event. To tell the truth, every year’s Battle of the Bands is always boring, so I figured you six would partake in it to liven things up, and I’m not surprised that you did. Thank you all.”

“Well, Princess,” said Twilight, “if there is one pony…or should I say, dragon…that you should thank, it would have to be our band manager, Spike. It was all his idea.”

“Aww, shucks,” Spike said blushing.

Princess Luna joined the group.

“One question, though,” Twilight said. “What exactly are these bands competing for anyway?”

“Yeah, princess,” Rainbow Dash added. “What did we win?”

“The same thing every band wins every year,” said Princess Celestia.

“Since you fillies are new to this event, allow me to explain,” said Luna. “The winning band of every Battle of the Bands will get to perform at every special event that Canterlot holds up until the next battle.”

The ponies all gasped.

“You hear that, girls?” asked Twilight. “We’re famous!”

They all cheered with excitement.

[sunstar]

It was too difficult to read. I couldn't finish the firstblock of text. Every time someone talks, start a new paragraph. Right now you have what is refered to as a block of text which is very hard on the eyes of many readers. I'm sure you have a good story, but the way it is formatted makes it very hard to read.

It was yet another typical day in Ponyville. The ponies were doing their everyday activities. Over in the tree where Twilight Sparkle housed her private library, she was busy doing her normal tasks. It was late in the morning, and Spike woke up realizing he had overslept. Spike jumped out of bed freaking out and ran up to Twilight. “Twilight!” he shouted. “I’m sorry I overslept, but I’m ready to start working! What do you need me to do?” “Oh, it’s okay, Spike,” Twilight responded with confidence. “I’m giving you the day off today. Now that you’re up, however, I have kind of misplaced my quill. Think you can help me find it?” “I’m on it!” saluted Spike. He started searching the floors. He searched and searched and searched, until finally, he found the quill. It was located under Twilight’s body (at least where she was standing). “I found it, Twilight,” he said as he picked it up, but then, Twilight started to giggle because the feather of the quill was tickling her stomach. Realizing she was ticklish, Spike decided to take advantage with the quill and tickle her belly some more. Twilight laughed so hard that she dropped to the ground. Eventually, Twilight used her magic to put an end to it. “Okay, Spike, that’s enough,” she said. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’ve got some serious work to catch up on.” “All you ever do is work and study,” Spike moaned. “You rarely ever make some time to have fun.” “Don’t worry, Spike,” Twilight said. “All I need to do is schedule these next two weeks, and then we can have some fun.”

Here is how it should look. (No need for the color change)

It was yet another typical day in Ponyville. The ponies were doing their everyday activities. Over in the tree where Twilight Sparkle housed her private library, she was busy doing her normal tasks. It was late in the morning, and Spike woke up realizing he had overslept. Spike jumped out of bed freaking out and ran up to Twilight.

“Twilight!” he shouted. “I’m sorry I overslept, but I’m ready to start working! What do you need me to do?”

“Oh, it’s okay, Spike,” Twilight responded with confidence. “I’m giving you the day off today. Now that you’re up, however, I have kind of misplaced my quill. Think you can help me find it?”

“I’m on it!” saluted Spike.

He started searching the floors. He searched, until finally, he found the quill. It was located under Twilight’s body (at least where she was standing).

“I found it, Twilight,” he said as he picked it up, but then, Twilight started to giggle because the feather of the quill was tickling her stomach. Realizing she was ticklish, Spike decided to take advantage with the quill and tickle her belly some more. Twilight laughed so hard that she dropped to the ground. Eventually, Twilight used her magic to put an end to it.

“Okay, Spike, that’s enough,” she said. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’ve got some serious work to catch up on.”

“All you ever do is work and study,” Spike moaned. “You rarely ever make some time to have fun.”

“Don’t worry, Spike,” Twilight said. “All I need to do is schedule these next two weeks, and then we can have some fun.”

See the difference? Do this with all of your text blocks and remember not to repeat words. (Searched and searched and searched. We know Spike is searching. you only need to say it once.)

[djlamar2]

It looks like an interesting story but yeah it does need to be spaced a bit like sunstar said. I used to do the same thing but through the help of people on here I've gotten better at writing stories

[powerpup97]

It seems everybody I meet has told me the same thing about how a fanfic should be written. Shouldn't it make more sense to criticize the content of the story rather than the format of how it's written? But anyway, here is the epilogue:




Epilogue[/u]

The next day, when all the ponies returned to their homes in Ponyville, Twilight began writing her letter to Princess Celestia:

“Dear Princess Celestia, Thank you so much for inviting me and my friends to the Battle of the Bands. Not only did I have a great time, but I also learned a valuable lesson about friendship. I learned that having friends is a wonderful thing, but when you and your friends work together as a team, the friendship connection can grow even stronger. I hope you invite us to next year’s Battle of the Bands, because we really want to perform at the next one! Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.”

The End

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Well, even though I didn't get much feedback, at least now, it'll be easier for people on YouTube to do fanfic readings of this.

[sunstar]

How can we critize it if we can't read it?

[djlamar2]

We're not criticizing just trying to help you.

[powerpup97]

You know, sometimes in life you gotta toughen up and try to read things, but I'm fixing it up right now.

[powerpup97]

Okay. It's all fixed now so that you can read it. Though it was hard and time-consuming since I was having some issues with the board itself.

[sunstar]

Much better. This is a cute short story. I liked the posistions you picked for everypony. It does feel rushed and I was waiting or Fluttershy to do one of her freak outs before going on stage. Pinkie burping out butterflies was just perfect.

I know it feels like a drag to space things out. Pick up any book. Do you see blocks of text, or paragraphs where each person that speaks begins a new paragragh? It is important that you remember to start a new paragragh when each person speaks. You may find it easy to read blocks of text but for many of us, it is very hard to follow.

I am a professional author with two books published and a third coming out in august. If you want the story to be critized, you must write so we can follow the story in order to critize it.

[powerpup97]

Hey, thanks for the feedback. Much better than what The Lord of Dust had to say, that's for sure.

I've got two other things to say about this fic, though:

1. The song that the ponies perform is actually a song from the G2 series, and I decided to make that their song as sort of a throwback to that series.

2. One of my friends on my 101 Dalmatians forum drew this pic for me a year ago, and it kinda goes with the fic:

I'm going to be using this as my signature pic starting now.