Tenses Saga: Adjustments

[Caelum]

Reposted from the old forum. Most of the author's notes and such are just copied and pasted from there. Enjoy!

The Tenses Saga
Past...Present...Future... Tenses
Part 1: The Beginning of the End
Part 2: Adjustments (You're reading it!)

Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony, nor any of the characters contained therein. I do have a few OCs, but I'm usually willing to share, provided you ask permission.

Part 1: Strangers
In which Cheerilee gives the term “stressed” a whole new definition…

Cheerilee didn’t know what to think of the stranger standing in front of her. The other’s face was void of expression, and her eyes were fixed blankly on the floor. She didn’t make eye contact, didn’t speak, didn’t move aside from swaying ever so slightly. If it wasn’t for the fact that it was obvious this pony was breathing and standing on her own, Cheerilee would have wondered if she were truly alive. As it was, she was just a shell—an empty, purple shell of who she had once been.

“Queen Lily Lightly?” Cheerilee asked, tentatively calling out the unicorn’s name. When she received no answer, she went on, “Lily Lightly? Lily? Can you hear me?”

The unicorn’s eyes flickered briefly, meeting Cheerilee’s for just a moment before looking back to the floor. And, for the first time in her life, Cheerilee felt truly afraid. If someone could hurt her friend, could make her suffer this much damage…

“Oh, Lily,” she whispered, taking a step forward to place her head on Lily’s neck in what she hoped was a comforting manner. To her surprise, Lily Lightly stepped back, evading the embrace and eyeing Cheerilee uncomfortably. Cheerilee felt something in her break.

“Who did this?” she demanded, turning to face the other ponies in the room. “Who the hell did this?” Her eyes landed on the white earthling standing beside Captain Radiance. The newcomer looked worried, scared, tired… Cheerilee didn’t really care. “Well?” she demanded, looking directly at the white mare. “Was it you?”

“No!” the other exclaimed, looking shocked. “No! I’d never—”

“Who, then?” Cheerilee demanded, walking forward to stand over the newcomer. “And who are you, anyway? What were you doing in the Lavender Mountains? Answer me.”

“Cheerilee,” Radiance broke in, casting a quick glance at the now-terrified earthling, “I don’t think you need to be quite that harsh…”

“Tell me this, Captain,” Cheerilee snapped, “how is it that a stranger—an Earth Pony, no less—suddenly shows up the same time our queen is incapacitated, her guards are killed, and her husband—” She broke off there, shivering. Taking in a deep breath, she shouted, “Do you think this is all just a coincidence?!?”

Radiance frowned. Cheerilee rarely got like this. Normally she was a sweet, polite mare who would do anything for her king and queen. Which was probably why she was so upset. “I admit it is suspicious…”

“So forgive me if I want to know just what is going on! We have no idea what she”—she gestured emphatically at the white mare—“is doing here! Maybe she was sent to assassinate the king, maybe she—”

“I wouldn’t!” the white mare broke in, looking horrified. “I would never—”

“Then just who are you and what are you doing here?!?”

The other shuffled her hooves nervously. “I—it’s a long story…”

“Then you’d better get talking,” Cheerilee growled. When the other was silent a moment too long, she went on, “Are you responsible for what’s happened to the king and queen and their guards?”

“No,” the other said quickly. She seemed to think a moment. “Actually…”

“IS THAT A YES OR A NO?!?”

“I—it—I—” She looked conflicted. “I suppose…it was because of me…that they got hurt…”

“What did you do?” Cheerilee’s voice was dangerously low. The white mare didn’t answer, however, as a door suddenly slammed open and a light blue unicorn dashed in.

“Sorry I’m late,” she said quickly, coming to a halt next to Cheerilee. “I was trying to—oh, wow.” She broke off in the middle of her sentence, staring at the white earthling. The other stared back, albeit nervously.

“Whistle Wishes,” Cheerilee stated. The blue unicorn blushed.

“Sorry,” she said to the stranger. “It’s just—I’ve never seen an earth pony in real life before…”

“Most of us have never seen an earth pony at all,” Radiance shrugged. The white mare frowned.

“So…” She looked at Whistle Wishes. “How have you seen earth ponies, if no one else here has?”

“In my dreams,” Whistle Wishes answered. “Speaking of which,” she turned to Cheerilee, “I was trying to see if I couldn’t fall asleep again, maybe get more information, but it didn’t work. They don’t feel like sharing much, I guess.”

Cheerilee sighed. “Right then,” she grumbled.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Whistle Wishes went on, looking at the earthling. “I’m Whistle Wishes, as you’ve probably figured out.”

“I’m Wondermint,” the other answered. “Uh…nice to meet you.” Her eyes flickered worriedly to Cheerilee. Whistle Wishes followed her gaze.

“Something wrong?”

“Yes. There is,” Cheerilee scowled. “Our queen isn’t mentally sound, her guards are mysteriously dead, our king is—is—” She shivered, her loyalty to her monarch showing plainly. “And there’s an Earth Pony standing in our throne room! Do you think this is a coincidence?!?”

“High Advisor,” Radiance began, hoping to calm Cheerilee down by using her title, but Whistle Wishes beat her to it.

“She’s a friend, Cheerilee. I was told that in my dream. We are to treat her well.” Whistle Wishes looked at Cheerilee meaningfully. The other unicorn kept her eyes on the ground. Whistle Wishes didn’t find the floor tiles all that interesting, so she turned to Wondermint and began walking around the earthling mare in a circle. “It’s interesting,” she said. “You don’t glow. I guess not all earthlings glow, but the ones I see in my dreams do…”

Wondermint frowned at that. “Glow?” she repeated, but Whistle Wishes didn’t answer, because she was looking back to Cheerilee.

“It’s still suspicious,” the High Advisor was grumbling. Normally the purple unicorn kept a level head, but with all that’d happened, Whistle Wishes was surprised she hadn’t ordered Wondermint’s head on a silver platter already. Yeah, Cheerilee really was loyal to her king and queen…

Speaking of the queen…

“How is she?” Whistle Wishes asked, looking towards Lily Lightly. Cheerilee sighed.

“She’s…she’s gone, I think,” Cheerilee whispered. “I don’t think she knows who I am…who we are…where she is…”

Whistle Wishes froze. She hadn’t thought it’d be this bad. “What…what about Rarity?”

Cheerilee took a deep breath. “I don’t know.”

There was silence for a moment. Then Wondermint spoke up.

“She…Secret Wish said she might get a little better, if she’s taken care of…”

Cheerilee turned to the earthling. “Who?”

Wondermint shuffled her feet. “Secret Wish.”

“Who’s that?”

“You know…I don’t really know.”

Cheerilee scowled, but Whistle Wishes was interested.

“Secret Wish?” she repeated. “That’s her name?”

“Yeah…she, uh,” Wondermint paused, looking nervous. “She glows.”

Whistle Wishes was all ears. “Glows?” she repeated. “Like, shines? With some sort of inner light?”

Wondermint blinked, dumbfounded. “Yeah…just like that.”

Whistle Wishes was ecstatic. “What does she look like?”

“Well…she’s pink…”

“Light pink or dark pink?”

“Um…it’s just pink, really…”

“Okay, think of it this way. Is she more of a pinkish-pink, or a purpley-magenta pink?”

“Pinkish-pink.”

“Green eyes?”

“Yep.”

“Light pink, plain pink, and burnt-orange hair?”

“Yeah, just like that. And her symbol—”

“Is a magic wand in the shape of a star,” Whistle Wishes beamed. “I’m right, aren’t I?” Her expression was hopeful. Wondermint smiled. She rather liked this mare.

“Yes. Just like that.”

“YES!” Whistle Wishes exclaimed. “FINALLY!! I know one of their names!!”

Everyone else looked at her funny, except for Lily Lightly. Whistle Wishes forced herself to calm down. “You know…those dreams I have…” She looked to Cheerilee for help.

“Whistle Wishes has dreams every so often,” Cheerilee explained, looking at Wondermint grudgingly. “They’re weird, but helpful.”

“And there’s always a glowing pony in them,” Whistle Wishes added. “They…tell me things.”

Wondermint looked curious. “What did Secret Wish tell you?”

“It wasn’t Secret Wish. It was…the orange one. I don’t know her name. But she told me the queen needed help, and that you were a friend.”

Wondermint was silent for a moment. “She said she’d send for help,” she said quietly.

“Who did? Secret Wish?” Whistle Wishes’s questions knew no end.

“Yeah.”

“You have dreams too?”

“No, I didn’t dream her. I saw her. Like, in real life.”

Whistle Wishes stared at Wondermint in shock. “Real life?” she breathed.

“Yes.”

“You…you actually saw her…?”

“Yes…”

“Tell me.” Whistle Wishes looked desperate. “Tell me everything.”

“Yes,” Cheerilee added, looking at Wondermint. Whistle Wishes’s dream said the mare was a friend, and while Cheerilee had no reason to like the newcomer, she trusted Whistle Wishes’s word. Besides, Wondermint was the only one who knew what’d happened to Lily. Cheerilee needed to know what’d happened to her friend, and screaming the only witness into terror wasn’t going to help. “Tell us everything.”

Ha. Poor Cheerilee. She isn't always so grouchy, but having the government of your country suddenly and violently rearranged and learning your best friend's brain was turned into a slurpee in the process can put a damper on your personality.

[Caelum]

Part 2: Plans
In which Wondermint gets caught up in the affairs of a country she didn’t even know existed until very recently…

“…She said Rankle focuses her attacks on the brain and the nervous system,” Wondermint explained. “She makes you feel pain, but doesn’t actually hurt you physically.”

They were sitting in a comfy little room, gathered around a little table and laying on plush pillows, having tea. Cheerilee’s gaze was focused on the window in the room, as it had been throughout most of Wondermint’s story—not that there was anything to see outside. It was pitch black—as was typical of one o’clock in the morning.

“So,” the High Advisor said, tearing her gaze from the window to sip at her tea, “she wasn’t really hurt, it just…felt like she was.”

“Yeah. That’s the gist of it.”

“And then her mind…” Cheerilee trailed off and closed her eyes. Oh, Lily… If Wondermint was right, there was a good chance her friend would never be the same.

“Yeah,” said Wondermint. The earthling stared down at her tea, and there was a long moment of silence. Wundy glanced at her companions curiously. She was still getting used to seeing ponies with horns on their heads. Radiance was paying special attention to her drink, somberly sipping it. The captain of Unicornia’s guard had a unique color scheme—red, with dark yellow hair and a single cyan stripe running through her mane. A little off-kilter, but strangely pleasing to the eye. Whistle Wishes—the last of the room’s occupants—had more conformist coloring; blue body, yellow, green, and pink hair. All in all, she looked like one of the rainbow ponies Wondermint had seen paintings of, courtesy of the secret records stored back in Celebration Castle. If Whistle Wishes had only one more stripe in her hair—bright blue—she really would qualify as a full-fledged rainbow pony.

At this point Wondermint realized that, as interested as she was in the unicorns, they were probably just as interested in her. Whistle Wishes was staring at Wundy out of the corner of her eye, scrutinizing her, but blushed and looked away when she saw the white mare was watching. Wondermint did the same.

Yeah, it was weird seeing ponies with horns—but they probably thought it was weird to see ponies without them.

“So,” Cheerilee said. “What happened then?”

“Secret Wish helped her a bit,” Wondermint went on. “She sort of…touched her forehead, and they started glowing…it’s hard to explain. But it calmed her down, and healed her a bit I think, and then Secret Wish told me I had to get her home.”

“She knows the way here then, I take it,” Cheerilee said. Whistle Wishes snorted.

“She visits me in my dreams, Cheer. I think she knows a lot more about a lot of things, including Unicornia’s existence and location.”

“Point,” Cheerilee conceded. “Then what happened?”

“She took me as far as she could before leaving. She said she had work to do—had to figure out what to do about Rankle or something. So she left, and we kept walking, and after a while we ran into Captain Radiance and her troop.”

Radiance nodded. “I think we know the rest from there.”

“It’s an interesting story,” Cheerilee said. Her gaze returned to the window. “Very interesting…”

“Mm-hmm,” Whistle Wishes nodded, eyeing Wondermint. The earthling had the unnerving feeling that the blue unicorn would later pin her against a wall and ask her for all sorts of details concerning Secret Wish. Whistle Wishes was certainly inquisitive. “I suppose the help she sent was the orange pony in my dream—she told me, I told Cheerilee, Cheerilee sent out Radiance…”

“Exactly,” Wondermint nodded.

“Well,” Cheerilee said, sounding quite business like. Radiance and Whistle Wishes exchanged glances. Now that the purple unicorn had heard the story, she wasn’t quite so hotheaded as she’d been earlier. This was the Cheerilee they knew—businesslike, to the point, efficient, and constantly thinking of the good of the kingdom. “Now that that’s settled, and we’ve established that you’re trustworthy”—she looked at Wondermint pointedly—“we have other issues in the kingdom that must be seen to. Our king is dead and our queen incapacitated. The princess is far too young to take the throne.”

“That leaves you then, High Advisor,” said Radiance. Cheerilee sighed and rubbed her temples.

“Yeah. I noticed.” She thought a moment. “Tomorrow’s gonna be hell.”

“You’ll be a fine ruler,” Whistle Wishes said encouragingly. “Just until Rarity’s old enough to take the throne. You’ll do great!”

“Arrg,” Cheerilee shook her head. “I know. I just…really don’t want to have to deal with this…”

Moment of silence.

“Alright,” Cheerilee said at last. “The Rainbow Council will meet tomorrow as early as possible.” She looked at Whistle Wishes and Radiance. “Make sure everyone else knows, alright?”

“Got it,” said Radiance.

“Also, we need to make a formal announcement to the public regarding the king’s death and the queen’s condition.”

“Right.”

“Speaking of which, I’m going to go see Lily now.” The purple unicorn stood up, stretching her legs. “I’ll be in the hospital wing if anyone needs me. I’d like to get in some peace and quiet before hell breaks loose. Radiance, tell the other Council members about the meeting tomorrow. Whistle Wishes, find the Countess a room. And don’t terrorize her with questions. She’ll be living here now—you’ll have plenty of time to ask her things later.”

Whistle Wishes looked a little put off at that, but nodded. “Right, fine, I won’t.”

“Thank you,” Wondermint said. “For letting me stay here…after all that’s happened…”

Cheerilee shrugged. “I trust Whistle Wishes’s dreams. If these glowing ponies consider you a friend, then you are. Have a good night. Morning. Whatever the heck it is.”

[Caelum]

Part 3: Regrets
In which Wondermint realizes just how much she’s screwed up the life of a certain unicorn…

Wondermint followed Whistle Wishes down a hallway. The blue mare kept sneaking glances Wondermint’s direction. The white pony sighed.

“Okay, you know what? Stare all you like. I don’t mind.”

Whistle Wishes stopped walking and turned to look at the other. “Really? You don’t?”

“So long as you don’t mind me staring at your horn.”

Whistle Wishes shook her head. “Nope. Not at all.”

For a long time, they just stared at each other’s foreheads.

“You know, it’s odd,” Wondermint said at last. “I thought your kind died out ages ago.”

“Really?” Whistle Wishes thingyed her head. “You Earthlings think we’re all gone?”

“No, actually, I’m the only one who thought that. The rest of us believe you never existed to begin with.”

Whistle Wishes flicked her tail. “Oh.”

“What about you Unicorns? Did you all think us Earthlings had died out, too?”

“Oh, no,” Whistle Wishes shook her head. “We knew you were all still out there. We even have an idea of where you’re located. We just don’t know what’s been going on with you guys.”

“Ah,” said Wondermint. They continued walking.

“So, Wondermint—”

“Wundy.”

“Huh?”

“You can call me Wundy,” Wondermint said. “It’s a nickname.”

“Oh, okay then. You have a nice name, you know. Quite unique.”

“Thanks. Yours is…” Wondermint trailed off, trying to think of a good adjective.

“Don’t bother me about my name. I’m not quite sure what my mother was thinking.” Whistle Wishes was smiling amusedly. “It’s weird. It reminds me of Windwhistler, though.”

Wondermint froze. “Windwhistler?”

“Oh…yeah, you wouldn’t know about that, I don’t think. Windwhistler was a—”

“The Pegasus? Windwhistler?”

“Oh, so you do know of her?”

“Of course!” Wondermint exclaimed. “How do you know of her?”

Whistle Wishes snickered. “Oh, come on Wundy. You’ve just discovered a hidden civilization comprised entirely of Unicorns—the wisest ponies to walk the land! You think we won’t have some inkling of our past?”

Wondermint blushed. “Sorry. I just—wait, so you all know about Old Ponyland?”

“What, Dream Valley and stuff like that? Yeah, of course we do. Granted, some of us know more than others—all of us here working in the government, and the members of the Rainbow Council, we know the most and have access to the records and whatnot… Why, doesn’t everyone in Ponyville know it?”

Wondermint shook her head. “No. Most of us Earthlings don’t even know about most of that stuff, let alone believe in it.”

“Huh,” Whistle Wishes said, stopping by a door. “That’s odd.” She opened the door, and walked into the room. Wondermint followed to find that a nice, spacious living room. “Here. Since you’ll be staying with us for a while, we figured you could have one of the bigger living quarters.”

Wondermint stared at the place. “You—you really don’t need to do this,” she stuttered. “I mean, I can happily go find some place out in the town, get a job, buy a house—”

“Oh, yeah, right, like we’ll really let the only earth pony anyone’s seen in centuries go out about town,” Whistle Wishes snorted. “I don’t mean to sound rude or anything, but you’re an oddity. Go out there right now and you’ll have ponies staring at you twenty-four-seven. And besides, we’d like to have you close by, just in case.” She flashed Wondermint a grin. “Don’t worry. We’re more than capable of taking care of you here.”

Wondermint looked around the richly decorated room. “Thanks.”

“Well, there isn’t much for you to do now, so you should get some sleep,” said Whistle Wishes. She yawned. “Heck, I should get some sleep. Like Cheery said, tomorrow’s gonna be hell.”

“What will I be doing tomorrow?” Wondermint asked. Whistle Wishes shrugged.

“I don’t know. There isn’t much you can do, aside from tell your story. Cheery’ll probably want you to do that before the Council, but other than that…eh, there isn’t much for you to worry about. Aside from, you know, Rankle hunting you down and killing you in your sleep.”

Wondermint froze. She’d been trying to forget about that. “Sure. Thanks.”

Whistle Wishes blushed. “Sorry.”

Wondermint shook her head. “So, tell me, this Council thing—what is it?”

“The Rainbow Council?” Whistle Wishes asked. “It’s…well, it’s a part of our government with just as much power as the monarchy, but not quite the same kind of direct control. We’re trusted advisors to the king and queen, and make many important decisions for the kingdom. We also help renew the Vow.”

“The Vow?”

Whistle Wishes smiled. “That’s another story. I’ll tell you later. Though you need to tell me all about Secret Wish.”

Wondermint sighed. She’d known it would come to this. “Right, fine. Whatever you want.”

Whistle Wishes actually squee’d. Wondermint suddenly realized something.

“Wait a minute…what do you mean by ‘we’re trusted advisors of the king and queen’?”

“Huh?” Whistle Wishes asked. “I’m on the Rainbow Council. Didn’t you know?”

“Uh…no.”

“Oh. I’m the Blue Councilor. Cheerilee’s Violet, and Radiance is Red. There are seven Councilors in all, one for each color.”

Wondermint blinked. “Oh.”

“I know, I seem a little young to be a member of such an important group,” Whistle Wishes smiled, “but I qualify. I’m going to bed now. If you need anything, I live in the center of the castle. I’m in one of the rooms by the Crystal Dome, you can’t miss it. Just ask for me.”

“Alright,” said Wondermint. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Have a nice night.”

“I’ll try.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“…and then Captain Radiance, er, winked me and Her Highness back here,” Wondermint finished, looking nervously at the six unicorns sitting in the room. “After that Lady Cheerilee questioned me, and—”

“We know what happened next,” Cheerilee groaned, rubbing her temples. “You don’t need to repeat it.” Wondermint nodded and fell silent. Cheerilee looked exhausted, and the earth pony didn’t blame her, seeing as she was now suddenly completely in charge of the entire kingdom. Wondermint looked at the other six unicorns in the room. Radiance and Whistle Wishes were there, as well as a yellow mare with a sunrise symbol, a green mare with a sort of cloud-head symbol, and a pink mare who seemed to be the leader. Like Whistle Wishes had said, one for each color…except for orange. That was the only color missing.

“Well,” the green mare stated, “I suppose the only thing I can say is: This sucks.”

“Yes, Councilor Thunderhead, thank you for your ever-present bluntness and complete lack of tact,” Cheerilee scowled. The green mare—Thunderhead—snorted and tossed her purple mane.

“Well, it does.”

“Of course it does, just—”

“Quiet,” the pink mare ordered firmly. “Yes, our situation, as you so aptly put it Thunderhead, sucks. Right now, we need to work hard in order to get things back under as much control as possible. Cheerilee, I take it you’re handling the political problems?”

“Yes,” Cheerilee nodded. “I’ll be acting as regent until Rarity is old enough to take the throne.”

“That takes care of who’s in charge of the country, then,” the pink mare nodded. “Now we need to be on the lookout for the next Orange Councilor, as it’s obvious that Windimoor will no longer be among us.”

There was an awkward silence at that. The bodies of King Windimoor and his guards had been retrieved only a few hours ago, and seeing the remains of their dead leader only made the unicorns’ situation all the more real.

“We’ll keep an eye out for the new one, then,” said Cheerilee. “Is there anything else the Council needs to worry about, Councilor Sunfall?”

The pink mare, Sunfall, shook her head, her ivory mane bouncing. “Not that I can think of. For now, we must secure the country, and keep things running smoothly. I don’t know if this Rankle person will be back to finish whatever she started, but if she is, I don’t want her catching us unprepared. This session of the Council is hereby ended.”

The unicorns all stood and left the room through the several doors leading out of it. Wondermint, unsure of where to go, stood awkwardly until Whistle Wishes tugged on her mane.

“Come on,” the blue mare smiled. “Let’s go. Oh, and this is Brights Brightly. I know you learned her name, but you didn’t really meet, persay.”

“Oh…hi,” said Wondermint, looking over the mare beside Whistle Wishes. The Yellow Councilor grinned brightly.

“Nice to meetcha,” she said.

“Same here.”

“Where are you heading to, Brights?” Whistle Wishes asked, leading the way out of one of the doors.

“Not sure. You?”

“Back to the Dome. I want to see if there’s anything I can do that’s useful.”

“Alright. Maybe I’ll come with you, hang out…”

The three ponies suddenly stopped right outside the doorway, their paths blocked by a small, pink filly with a rainbow of hair smiling up at them.

“Hi!” she said brightly.

“Hi Rarity,” smiled Whistle Wishes. She turned to Wondermint. “Wundy, this is Princess Rarity. Sweet little devil, isn’t she?”

“Hello,” Wondermint smiled at the filly. “I’m Wondermint. You can call me Wundy.”

“Where’s your horn?” Rarity asked.

“She’s an earth pony,” Brights Brightly explained. “They don’t have horns.”

Rarity scrunched up her face in thought. “That’s weird.”

Wondermint laughed. “Well, I think it’s weird to have a horn growing out of your head.”

“No it isn’t.”

“What are you doing here, Rarity?” Whistle Wishes broke in. “Shouldn’t you be playing in your room or something?”

“I’m waiting.”

“Waiting?”

“Uh-huh. I got bored with playing, so I came here to wait.”

“Normally it’s the other way around,” Brights Brightly muttered.

“Waiting for what?” Whistle Wishes asked.

“Daddy.” The filly was too young to notice the stunned silence following that announcement. “I heard the Council was meeting, and every time after the Council meets Daddy usually comes out this door, so I figured I’d come surprise him.” She tried to peer around the threesome into the room behind them. “Is he still talking to Lady Sunfall or something?”

“No,” Whistle Wishes said dazedly. “No, Rarity, he isn’t.”

“Oh. Did he go out another door?”

“No, Rarity. He…he…”

Wondermint shuffled her feet self-consciously. “Maybe I should go…” she muttered.

“Yeah,” Brights Brightly said. “Yeah. You probably should. I’ll go get Cheerilee…she and Rarity are close, she’ll be able to tell her…” She trailed off uncertainly, sadly, and turned back into the room, where Cheerilee was speaking with Sunfall. “Do you remember the way back to your rooms?” the yellow unicorn asked Wondermint.

“Yeah. I can get there.”

“Alright. I’ll be seeing you later, then. Cheerilee…”

The purple mare turned around. “Yes?”

“Rarity’s waiting outside the door. She’s…waiting for her father.”

Cheerilee stood still for a moment before saying a word that made Wondermint blush.

“I’ll handle it,” the Violet Councilor sighed. “Wondermint, you don’t need to worry about this. Just go back to your rooms or take a walk or…do whatever you want, really.”

“Sure,” Wondermint said, and she walked off, feeling like a complete and total jackass for ever having being born. For running away. For not dying.

There was a happy little filly just outside that door whose entire life was about to be shattered.

At that moment, Wondermint would have given anything to be back home, with Crystal Lace, doing the humorous, nonsensical nothings that made up their everyday lives.

Thunderhead is another Unicorn you can see in the background on the DVDs. She's the lime green one with purple and yellow hair, and her symbol is a...cloud with a happy face. Wish they'd made a toy of her...

[sunstar]

still waiting for more!

[Bright Glow]

I love this part of the saga.

[Marbletoast]

Personally, I think Cherilee's responce is the most natural one. XD I was waiting for someone to wonder what in the world Wondermint was doing there at just such a terrible instant...

I like the names you give the unicorns so much more than the ones Hasbro gives them. @_@

The unicorn politics are interesting. I like the Rainbow Council, and all that. Looking forward to reading more, and seeing what Secret Wish is up to, and where this is all headed...

Poor Rarity. And Lily! The first scene with Cherilee is quite distressing. D:

And just a few notes:

“IS THAT A YES OR A NO?!?”

I just have a personal aversion to all caps. I always think there must be a better way to convey the tone of voice, but that could just be my own personal taste showing through. XD

Yeah, Cheerilee really was loyal to her king and queen…

This line just feels...redundant, and...I'm not sure what its use was. The phrasing even feels insincere. Not sure the tone it sets is really appropriate for the placement, nor is the information all that necessary, considering the paragraph before it already establishes her loyalty.

They were sitting in a comfy little room, gathered around a little table and laying on plush pillows, having tea.

"Lying" instead of "laying"

Whistle Wishes was staring at Wundy out of the corner of her eye,

Most of the time, you call Wondermint by her full name out of dialouge, but now and then you slip into her nickname. It might be good to choose one or the other to call her outside of dialouge and stick with it.

For a long time, they just stared at each other’s foreheads.

XD This is how lasting friendships are formed!

“Really?” Whistle Wishes thingyed her head. “You Earthlings think we’re all gone?”

Another example of the filter at work!

Wondermint followed to find that a nice, spacious living room.

Incomplete sentence--I think probably you don't want the "that" in there?

Like Cheery said, tomorrow’s gonna be hell.”

XXD Great irony. Sounds just like something someone named Cheery would say. x)

“I know, I seem a little young to be a member of such an important group,” Whistle Wishes smiled, “but I qualify. I’m going to bed now.

This threw me a bit, because right before this Wondermint offers to answer her questions, and she is all excited, and then she....leaves. Maybe...a few more lines of dialouge are needed to...transition that...because I was anticipating a whole new conversation about to start!

a green mare with a sort of cloud-head symbol,

That...did not make any sense to me, to be honest. It did after I read your footnote, but here, I wasn't at all sure what a "cloud head" was....Maybe something more like "a cloud with a face in it" or...something. Maybe. Or perhaps it is just me?

The Yellow Councilor grinned brightly.

Probably you intended the redundancy with her name, but it might just be TOO much "bright" going on. XD Despite the fact that her name is...really repetitive, and hard not to poke fun at, the adverb here feels just too tacked on, really. But that, again, could be stemming from my own personal aversion of adverbs. XD

Really enjoying this story!! I'm excited to see what you've got next! :3

[Bright Glow]

Ok, I put some picture here to explain some things:



The green pony in the left corner is the green Councilor is the one which is in the story, and yes, the purple pony between Queen Lily Lightly and the green Councilor is Ice Cream Surprise (my persona)

Caelum, which are your other two unicorns in this pic?

[Lili]

naoo, me wants more Dx