Where Bobdude Watchs MLP Tales

[Al1701]

Ducktales gets a pass because it's the world of Disney where these animals have never behaved like animals. We know how far to suspend our sense of disbelief. Tales came after the Dream Valley continuity which had its titular characters behaving very much like horses or at least observing the abilities and limitations of their equine bodies. That makes the Tales ponies behaving like humans jarring.

Tales didn't get a second season, but sadly the new direction for the brand went over like a lead balloon. More Beast Wars toys were made, Tales ponies weren't. It's as simple and sad as that.

This episode was okay. The next episode was one of the ones that stuck with me more.

[bobdude]

Yes, the limitations of horse bodies such as the power of flight, teleporting, and the well known fact that ponies come in a regular rainbow of colors, speak in English, and live in castles that they may/may not have built with their own hooves (Why do they live in a castle again? Wouldn't a stable make way more sense? Retroical question for the record). ;D

Honestly, even as far back as the pilot,the My Little Ponies have NEVER acted THAT much in the way of real horses. Oh, they might look a lot like actual ponies (especially in G1), but in my eyes at least, their about as accurate to real life ponies as G.I. Joe is to the military, or the Transformers are to the their vehicle modes.

So the whole 'jarring'ness of Dream Valley to Tales was never a problem for me, mostly because Tales was one of the first preFIM Gens I started watching, though I do see how it could be an issue for folks back in the day. And while it is as 'simple as that', doesn't mean I can't gripe about what could have been (though I won't be doing it in future reviews, paranoid about coming off as annoying/beating a dead pastel pony at this point). Regardless, I'll be elaborating into all of this 'what could have been' sort of thing more on my final Tales post (not necessarily the last review) when I do an overall look back at the show.

[bobdude]

Review 16

So… yeeaaahhhh. Episode update? Episode update.

Meant for this review to come out much sooner than it did, what with me finally finishing up classes for the semester, but I’ve been a busy man doing other writing projects and dealing with real life scrap, so yeah. Review got a bit sidetracked.

So before I get to the episode update, I’d like to explain a little bit as to why these reviews don’t come quicker than they do.
1. I’m in college, which as anyone who has been to college knowns, eats at slices of your very soul as you make your way through the semester.
2. I have, in fact, other writing projects of my own. My Little Pony meet the concept of Turtles Forever, a Dragon Ball Au fanfic with Son Goku taken out of the equation all together and cov-ering ALL the arcs of Dragon Ball in some way, not just the space stuff (because it seemed like a good idea at the time and I’m a masochist like that), and a series based on Power Rangers that’s sumo themed To say nothing of the original writing I plan on tackling this summer
3. plus the real life stuff I have to do, plus finding a job, and wanted to make sure that I didn’t just plow through all 26 episodes like considering their only ten minutes long and all that….

In short, the Bob is a very busy man.

Incidentally, it’s WAY past the date of April 28th. Do you know what that means? It means I’m 23 year years old… and still have nowhere near the life skills/experience to live on my own. Also, it means I can say the following and have it actually MEAN something.

Ahem.

The following is a non profit fan based review series. My Little Pony, My Little Pony Tales, and My Little Pony Friendship is Magic are all owned by Hasbro. Please support the offical relase.

And by this case I mean the fact that American DVDs are FINALLY available at retailers like Walmart and Best Buy and the like. So yeah, go out and support the show and stuff folks.

THIS I COMMAND!

….

Anyways, onto the episode review!

Today's episode is brought to you by the writers Kayte Kuch and Sheryl Scarborough-, No wait a sec, that's not right. Today's episode is brought to you by George Arthur Bl-, no, that's not it either.

*squints at the computer screen*

Who the BUCK is Richard Merwin?

Quick AnonReader, to the Googlemobile!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yic7IRO9d6I

Huh. Apparently the guy's a fairly prolific writer who's worked on everything from GI Joe to Ducktales to Jem. Good for him.*

So, today's episode of MLP Tales, An Apple for Starlight, starts off with a quick opening shot of the schoolhouse before cutting to inside where Mrs.Hackney talks about the wonders of both history and the power of pulls and levers (guess they must have missed a few days and Mrs. H is making up for it by combining lessons) while Teddy proceeds to make a paper airplane with his hooves. Because Earth Pony Power yo.

As Mrs. H continues her explanation of pulley power, she gets interrupted when Ted's plane crashes into the chalkboard, causing everyone in the classroom (sans Mrs. H of course) to laugh.
Mrs. H, not wanting to put up with any of their Little Pony Poo, proceeds to glare at them and gives them the threat of no recess. This silences the Mane Seven and Tale Trio minus Lancer (Where is Lancer this episode, hell if I know, doing rich pony things I guess) right quick.

As Mrs. H goes back to her lecture, Starlight, Sweetheart, and Clover all give out tired/weary expres-sions. You know the kind, the kind you give in a class where you're just DONE with the class mentally but you still have half an hour to kill before your free. Basically, they got that face going on.

Just as she's about to begin again, Mrs. H starts to sway back and forth with a wobbly sound effect added in. She says she's starting to feel light headed. Clearly Mrs. H, this is a sign from your body that it's time to hurry up and regenerate already, you've been rocking that thing for nearly 30 years, I think you've gotten your money's worth out of the thing.

Teddy, thinking what with their teacher being unexplainably ill, figures that class is cut early for the day.

But it takes more than a mere cold and the possibility of regeneration to keep Mrs. Hackney down. Turns out, she’s got her whole lectures recorded on tape just in the off chance something like this hap-pens. Now THAT, my friends, is dedication to the teaching profession> G4 Cheerilee WISHES she had half the skill Mrs. Hackney does.

So while Mrs. Hackney goes off to lay down for the rest of the day, she puts Starlight in charge of making sure everyone learns their lessons for the day. Makes sense, seeing as how Starlight’s the unof-ficial leader of the group and all that. Clearly the teacher has done her homework here.

So not the moment that Mrs. hackney leaves, all heck breaks loose. Or, at least the elementary/middle school version of all heck breaking loose.

Ponies start chattering amongst each other, and Teddy throws another paper airplane, bopping best po-ny waifu Bon Bon on the head. To the surprise of no one, it turns out she was eating a chocolate bar in secret.

Starlight tries to pull off her best Mrs. Hackney impression, but sadly because she has NOT in fact in fused herself to Mrs. hackney’s time stream and familiarized her with every one of her future incarna-tions, the attempt is a failure.

Melody’s immediate reply to Starlight’s threat is to pull out a radio music play and start jamming some tunes that I can only assume are the Cleveland Bays. I can also only assume that she traded in the cas-sette player for the radio music box at some point. Considering how dung the cassette player was, I don’t blame best sassy horse.

Starlight, looking very cross with everyone, pulls out an alarm clock and uses it in an attempt to quiet everyone down.

Melody’s music continues to play.

Starlight glares at her and says Melody’s name in an annoyed tone. Melody huffs and puts on a pair of headphones and starts doing the big dance craze of the 90s, no thankfully not THAT SONG, but in-stead the classic dance: Close your eyes and wave you hooves from side to side.

Meanwhile, unknown to Melody, her song of choice is slowly and subtly planting seeds of equality and pseudo Vonnegutian references and- *reads through the rest of my notes*. Ah, my mistake. Got Melody mixed up with a different Kelly Sheridan voiced pony character. Oops.

This is the last straw for Best Starlight, as she insists that one way or another, the ponies of this class are GOING to learn their lessons.

Hitting the play button on the recorder, recorded Mrs. hackney asks Melody how she’d use a pulley to lift a sack of flour, going so far as to tell Melody to stop listening to her music long enough to answer the question.

This of all things is what gets Melody to take the headphones off. Clearly, either Mrs. hackney either knows her students so well that she KNEW that they (Melody in this case) would do something like this, OR what is much more likely, is that she just jumped ahead in time with her TARDIS and used her knowledge of the future accordingly. I’ma go with the second answer myself.
Either way, ya’ll don’t mess with the Hack… ney.

Recorded Mrs. Hackney then asks Bon Bon if she knows the answer. Bon Bon, being a pony who we will learn later on does NOT have math as a strong suite (like to think she’s a whiz at fractions though, what with her baking skills and all that), can only let out umms as she continues to eat her candy bar.

Teddy then quips that Bon Bon would just eat the bag of flour all together. Honestly, given how stupid most math problems are, just eating the damn flour probably would be the shortest and easiest answer to the whole dilemma. Plus, lets be honest here people, best future fat pony would probably just eat the damn flour and be done with it anyways.

This quip of wit (by ten year-olds-who-act-like-teenagers**) makes everyone laugh.

This is, needlesstosay, is the breaking point for Starlight, who then enlists the help of the two other po-nies who actually like school in this show, Bright Eyes and Sweetheart to teach the rest of their class-mates about the importance of learning their lessons.

The song is fittingly classed, what else, Lessons.

Sadly, this is one of the rare songs that I can’t find a Youtube link for offhand, so I won’t spend too much time on it (I know, you’re all crushed I’m sure).

I will say this much though, adding in Maggie Blue with Laura Harris and Willow Johnson for singing was a very nice touch. Good job detective robot G3 Rarity!***

Also, not sure if spaceships are canon or not in this show. Eh, given the tech level of the show, lets go with sure why the hell not? Because the ponies of Equestria wish they had space travel.

But enough of my unfair ganging up on G4 ponies and their giant anime eyes of cuteness (no matter how much it weirds the other Gen Ponies out).

Oh, and Ace is featured a good bit at the end of the song, looking bored and wishes he was swimming. I like to think he’s really imagining himself (an imaginary Ace imagining things, clearly, we must go deeper. Brad Swaile is Leonardo Dicaprio as Cobb in Bobception. ) as a swashbuckling Germane ac-cented fuzzy blue superhero.****

But it seems that even the power of song has its limits, as after the three ponies finish their little song and dance routine, the rest of the class is still goofing off. Paper airplanes flying, Melody dancing, Clo-ver and Bon Bon… recreating Star Pony? That or the Pony Bride, take your pick people (and don’t tell me Tales doesn’t have a pony version of Star Wars after an episode like the Impractical Joker, because they totally do).

Its at this point that Starlight is all “Screw you guys, I’ma tell Mrs. Hackney.” and leaves the classroom slamming the door behind her dramatically.

Amazingly though, the next scene is not Starlight talking to Mrs. Hackney, but instead in what I can only assume are the girls bathroom for the school. So, public bathrooms confirmed for canon. Either way, Starlight splashes some water on her face biped style and asks herself what she’s doing wrong.

It’s at this point that her slightly darker colored reflections gives her the skinny. Basically, Starlight is trying to replicate being Mrs. Hackney, when she should try just being herself.

As much as I try to avoid taking the advice of talking reflections of myself, I highly suggest doing it, Starlight. Trust me, I’ve watched enough Monster High+ to know that the key to success in life is to follow your own spooky style. That and don’t be a discriminatory jerk to other people no matter how different they are.

Anyways, Reflection Starlight (who is remarkable NOT evil or rocking a goatee) goes onto say that everyone can still have fun and learn their lessons, hopefully without major bodily harm in the process.

Starlight, inspired by her talk… with herself (seriously, girl, could you be a little more concerned with the fact that you just had a conversation with a reflection in the mirror? Like, at all?) zips off back to the classroom.

Quick Birdbrain, to the Bookmobile.

I’d link the Batman transition sound effect, but I’m feeling pretty lazy, so you guys can just use your imagination.

Meanwhile, back at the classroom, Starlight returns and Teddy asks sarcastically if Starlight reported them. Honestly, I’m more wondering how Starlight would track Mrs. Hackney down, what with all of time and space being her backyard and all. Well, that and the fact that Mrs. Hackney never said when she was going, that also plays a part of things.

Starlight says that she has a better idea, and has taken a page from Mrs. Frizzle’s handbook of when in doubt, Fieldtrip it. Fieldtrips are love, fieldtrips are life.

Sadly, magically ambiguous TARDIS like school buses are not involved in this fieldtrip. Sassafrassa copy right law.

Bright Eyes, being the school’s head nerd, points out that they’re supposed to learn their history lesson.

Starlight is all, “Imbicile if I say we’re going on a fieldtrip, then we’re going on a fieldtrip!”+ Well, okay, she’s actually much nicer/less rude than that, but you know what I mean.

And then through the magic of 90s Korean animated scene transitions, the ponies are outside standing in front of a giant rock. Sadly, said giant rock does NOT in fact seem to involve either Ancient Egypt or Trading Card games of doom.

Apparently Rock from the Lion King’s Young Brother is Pony Rock, where the pony settlers came in and founded Ponyland. Eh, about on par with Heartswarming Eve backstory then, I’d say.

Don’t know if that’s referring to the town or the whole continent itself. Ima go with the continent. Be-cause I can.

Anyways, Starlight plays the tape and Recorded Mrs. Hackney goes on about the continent/town’s backstory.

Turns out the first pony settlers saw Ponyland from atop that Korean animated long trail-like Rock off. So, as far as my understanding of Tales history goes (not including the headcanon where the Tales verse is the Dream Valley continuity centuries/thousands of years into the future) something like this. France (and more importantly, the isle of Pony) are founded. Ponies of Isle of Pony/France go to the Ponyland continent and go through a medieval phase eventually settle it phase if Patch’s story is to be believed (also, magic may/may not have still been a thing back then. Or at least, there were dragons).

Then the ponies of the medieval castle/society thing went on an American Westward Expansion style adventure, and settle the town of Coltenville/Ponyland. And years later Ponyland pulls a Canada and peaceful requests to become its own country and Isle of Pony grants it (because no matter how human like, I just can’t picture pastel colored ponies waging war against each other. That would just be silly, like a filly version of Nightmare Moon, or Fallout combined with ponies, or Pinkie Pie turned into some sort of crazed cereal killer with an especial hatred for the Capitan of the Crunch). And then they reach the pinnacle of society. Or, at least the pinnacle of society cira 1992.

But back to the episode proper, Recorded Mrs. Hackney goes on to say that the first settlers lived in a place called Pinto Cave (because Firebird wasn’t s good enough name for them I guess).

Patch points to some cave off screen, and she, Ace, and Teddy go off to investigate, with the others following besides them. Unfortunately, as they canter off, Recorded Mrs. Hackney goes on to say that the cave is now off limits to kids like them, since no one’s explored it.

Despite Starlight’s warning, Ace, Patch, and Teddy quickly find the cave behind a bush and go in, with Starlight following after.

The cave is very tall, dark, and cavey, even given how young our mini herd of little ponies are. It’s a nice cave all things told, got just the right amount of atmosphere without being overly dark and need-lessly pointy.

Starlight comments on how dangerous the cave might be, which Patch scoffs at seeing as how the cave is very pretty. It’s at this point that everyone else comes up behind them.

Bright Eyes then brings up the lessons thing again, at which Starlight comments that the cave can be their classroom for the day. Yes, that is a good idea. The cave with dampness, Pony knows what wan-dering about, grime, and poor lighting. Truly, that is the classroom of the future.

As the nine puny ponies wander about the Cave of Wonder, Clover comments about the place getting darker, while Ace makes a comment about turning on the nonexistent lights. I know, I’m shocked too, what sort of cave designers don’t bother to put in a lighting system these days? Craziness. Also, Ace not acting like a jerk, so that’s cool too.

Thankfully, Patch has a flashlight. Why? Heck if I know. Girl probably goes on all sorts of whack ad-ventures and probably learned to bring a flashlight on in just in case. I will note, however, that she is still more prepared then Mr. Pony Scout Ace himself. For shame Ace, for shame. Assuming that Pony Scouts is a weird sort of gender neutral Scouting program similar to the ones on Earth that is.

So my digressions aside, Patch points her flashlight up to a pair of stalagmites, calling them the “Arch-way to the Past.”

When asked how she knows the name, she admits that she just made it up.

Starlight then jumps ahead of them and tries to be a good leader, saying that going past the Archway can’t be a good idea.

Naturally, Ace, Teddy, and Patch all ignore her, rushing past Starlight so fast she spins around and flops on the ground barrel first. Poor Starlight, no wonder you go Hip Symbol crazy as a- Dangit, wrong Starlight. So anyways, next thing the Herd Nine know, their sliding down a natural slide of stone into a dead end room.

Fortunately (or unfortunately if you have a vorephila fetish), because this is My Little Pony, this does NOT end with our cast having to eat Bon Bon to service. Or Bon Bon using her superior size to eat the others.

Starlight asks if everyone’s okay, and thankfully no one was hurt sliding down. Patch then discovers some old wagon parts, like the sort of stuff the American settlers of old used back in the 19th century (see people, past my dumb ramblings there IS a grain of logic to some of my jokes. I said some, not all, mind you). Oh, and a treasure chest.

Ace goes and opens up, exclaiming that their rich (but aren’t you guys rich by proxy being friends with Lancer?) Sadly, said chest does not in fact contain a piece of heart or rupees of any color, but rope, a wood mallet, and a pick axe.

Mining and pick axes confirmed for canon.

Patch comments that the stuff must have belonged to the settlers, and Bright Eyes suggests taking the stuff back and showing to Mrs. Hackney. Starlight then comments that they should start heading home anyways.

Patch tries to climb back up the cave slide… only to fall flat on her barrel as a result.

Oops.

Incidentally, funny how Tales ponies seem to fall like that a lot in this show, isn’t it?

Teddy and Ace, with the sort of arrogance that only the young have, figure they can make it back up the slope with the “treasure” chest. Cue them both slide back down and crashing in a heap with car-toony sound effects.

Bright Eyes, being so very useful, talks about how the slope thing has ‘minimum traction’

Teddy then adds that it’s “Slick, too.”

Meanwhile, in the Dream Valley continuity.

Spike: *turns to Gusty* Ya ever get that feelin’ of Déjà vu before?

Gusty: Meh. Not really. *goes back to reading L. Ron Hubbard’s Typewriter in the Sky*#

Meanwhile, back with the Herd Ten minus Lancer.

Starlight comments on how on the upside, at least no one is hurt. Starlight, somehow I doubt Ted and Ace smashing into the far back wall with just the chest to cushion the blow doesn’t count as ‘un-harmed’.

Sweetheart then brings up the very good point that the lot of them are stuck them, with the possibility of none of them being found.

Naturally, this is Clover’s cue to start freaking the buck out, though given the situation I can’t blame her much. Also, she latches onto Bon Bon, who has an expression that can be read one of two ways.

Way 1: Dang it girl, I told you, I don’t go that way!

Way 2: Why couldn’t Patch be the one hugging me?

Starlight, being the leader, tries to keep everyone calm and NOT freaking the buck out. Also, she helps Teddy up from the ground as he rubs his back butt in pain. Calling it now, Tedlight is now officially a pairing++

Anyway, after a comment from Teddy about escaping being easy as pie (why is it never cake? What does pie have that cake lacks, I wonder), Starlight gets the idea of checking the recorder again.

Not sure about her internal logic, I mean, the only way Mrs. Hackney could have advice that could help them out in this sort of situation would be if she was a… time traveler or something. But that would be… Actually, that would be pretty cool. Never mind.

So Recorded Mrs. Hackney goes on to talk about how the Settler Ponies used the stuff around them to survive by finding food and lifting heavy things (ah, so this is how history and pulls and stuff were go-ing to tie together. Well played, Mrs. Hackney, well played indeed). This sparks off Starlight’s brain and she goes over.

And so, working together, the Herd 10 minus Lancer manage to jury rig a make shift pully system, with Teddy even commenting on how he’d never thought there would ever come a day when he would ac-tually use something he learned in school in everyday life.

Unfortunately, this is the point where Patch’s flashlight give out on them. Clover comments on how much she hates the dark (understandable, given the spooky cave their in) and Starlight tries to comfort her by saying she’s got friends.

Clover then brings up the good point that “What good are friends if you can’t see them?”

So after making their make shift pully system and using it (Ace being the last one up just as the wagon hitch breaks and the wheel tumbles back down into the dead end cave for the rest of eternity) the gang manages to escape the fate of eventual cabalism.

Yay!

Or, if you are into pony vore, BOO!

Regardless, back at the classroom, having survived Pinto Cave and leveled up their history by +5, their knowledge of mechanics by +8, and their Herd Teamwork by +10, everyone is sitting at their desks and doing their schoolwork while Starlight lives out her dream of being a teacher, sitting at a desk and look-ing all official like.

Clearly, everyone got replaced with 1992 era Changelings somehow. Also, think this might be the first time we’ve seen them actually doing schoolwork.

So Mrs. Hackney walks in the door and Starlight asks if Mrs. Hackney is feeling better.

Mrs. Hackney: Oh yes, much better actually. Incidentally, never take a short vacation to Central City, Starlight. That place be the cra cra.

Starlight: What?

Mrs. Hackney: What.

So Mrs. H reaches into her bag and gives Starlight an apple for being the sub for the day. And here I thought the title was metaphoric. Oh well.

Starlight comments that Ace even managed to give the group a demonstration, which causes Ace to blush slightly as the rest of the class giggle knowingly.

Mrs. Hackney, not fully understanding what’s going on, says that she’s always been a firm believer that learning should be fun (does this mean that Starlight was following Mrs. Hackney’s example all along and was never her own teacher pony to begin with? And now I’ve gone crosseyed)

The class agrees, and the episode ends with them laughing, knowing the power of on hoof learning all to well and how close they all came to dying slow and painful deaths!

But in all seriousness, I do have quite the soft spot for this episode. We get to see Starlight show off her leadership skills, the girls and boys working together for a change, a bit of backstory on Ponyland, that while isn’t the level of say, LOTR, is still pretty nice to have, a bit of danger in the form of the cave without it being too silly or too scary (looking at you, spooky trees in the Everfree that don’t do anything but look spooky), and best of all, Teddy and Ace aren’t jerks this time around!

Granted, being a jerk 24/7 has to be exhausting, but it’s still quite nice. Plus having Sweetheart, BE, and Starlight all sing was a cool touch as well. Starlight would make a good Red Ranger me thinks.

Speaking of the mysteries of Ponyland, the adventures and dangers continue next time as Patch and Bon Bon go Up, Up, and Away. ##

*http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0581689/?ref_=ttfc_fc_wr1
** That accurate enough for ya age wise, Warlorn?
*** Reminds me of that classic joke. So a pink princess pony, a robot with the mind of a young boy, and a super detective with a fondness for sweets, all walk into a bar at the same time. Why they walk into a bar when none of them drink is I’ll never know.
**** What, you were expecting a Death Note reference? Please.
+Or as I call it, Tales from the Crypt meets Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Because that’s pret-ty much the basic concept of the show in a nutshell folks. Also, never play the Monster High Drinking game where you take a shot every time there is a pun. You will not make it out the first season of web episodes my friends.
+ Meanwhile, at a very fancy and snooty rich pony get together, Lancer is pausing in punch sipping, unable to explain why he feels so oddly happy that he had to miss school for this thing.
++ Hey if LyrBOn can be a thing just because two background ponies happen to stand next to one another, then Tedlight is just as valid as far as I’m concerned.
# This gag, I’ll admit, is somewhat obscure. Has to do with Nancy Cartwright being a Scientologist, which was founded by the same guy who wrote Typewriter in the Sky. Tis a voice actress allusion is all.
## Hopefully the next review will come out some time in June, should be up to episode 19 before I start up back for school, knock wood. And then when I do finish, it’s on to G3, which will hopefully NOT be as long/dense review word count wise.

---- --------
Spoilers from Flash season one final head
Meanwhile, miles away from the schoolhouse, a dark yellow coated stallion with dark mane and tail appears from nowhere, his hip symbol a bolt of lightning. The stallion looks around Ponyland/Coltenville and sighs.
Wells: Great. Now I not only have to get back to the future, but now I need to get back to my own timeline. In retrospect, insulting and degrading the one guy whose continued existence was keeping my existence continuing, was not one of my smarter ideas. Heh, Back to the future. *lets out a deep sigh* I miss Cisco. *looks down at his legs* And how am I going to vibrate these things into murder weapons?

[Al1701]

This was an episode that stuck with me too. Perhaps because it involved from legitimate peril.

[bobdude]

Dude if you thought that was legit peril, just wait until next episode and G3, you wont ever look at hot air balloons the same way again. ;D

[Al1701]

And we get ALIEN PONIES!

[bobdude]

So, funny thing happened on my way to updating this thread. Meant to do it by the end of last month... and then real life got in the way. Point is, Al. You're getting not one, but TWO reviews. Granted, two times zero is still zero, but its the thought that counts.

On with the reviews!

Episode 17
Ah, episode 17, written by Donna Harman, titled Up Up and Away. Or as I like to call it, Fanfic Fuel the Episode. Why? Well, that would be spoiling the review, now wouldn't it. ;D Also, this is the first episode where Brigitta "Meadowlark is best Big Sister Pony" Dau takes over the voice of Patch from Venus "Rainbows, Darling!" Ter-zo. Why? I don't honestly have any idea why, truth be told. Fanwank something or something.

So we jump right in, not with an establishing shot of any of the Tales Sevens homes or anything, but with a strange glowing ball of light zooming through the night time sky. We then pan back to the glowing ball of light becoming a picture of a glowing ball of light in a newspaper. Clearly, this ball of light is important. How can you tell? The title consists of nothing but exclamation points and question marks. Now that's an attention grab-bing title!

And then the picture gets attacked by a white blob of stuff!

Oh my god, its White Smooze come back to avenge Purple Smooze all those thousands of years ago! RUN FOR YER LIVES!

Oh, wait, turns out its just the Mane cast having milkshakes and Bon Bon just spilled hers on the paper. False alarm everybody!

After a good laugh, Bon Bon scoops up her ice cream and Patch goes on to talk about the UFO (Bright Eyes had earlier explained the meaning of the acronome), about flying saucers and the like.

And because this is the early 90s and we're dealing with UFOs (and people will yell mean things at me if I don't make the reference), I'm now imagining Patch and Bright Eyes as the Mulder and Scully of the P Files. The P Files, the pony flavored truth is out there.*

Starlight, being reasonable, says that those sort of things don't exist.

Bright Eyes goes on to say that the UFO has been spotted over Pony Point.

Also, Pony Point is probably the best name in this whole show thus far. Dat name people, dat name.

Patch says that they should hike up there when the sun goes down, saying that finding the UFO could be "the greatest adventure of our lives!"
Did I forget to mention that this episode could have also been titled "Patch should have been a Dream Valley Earth Pony"? Because you could have named that episode that and no one would have argued with you. Big theme this episode, adventure. That and strangely starting the MLP trend of nearly dying by way of hot air balloons, but I'm getting ahead of myself here.

So we cut to nighttime, moon is out with some clouds, and we see a giant spiraling hill/mountain thing cork-screw style. Almost reminds me of this place, actually. www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPUn5biib1c

Naturally, given how steep and lacing in hoofrailings this mountain/hill thing is, our mane heroines are more than just a touch intimidated. I find it amusing how Bon Bon, the fat girl of the group, comments on the skinniness of the trail.

Patch, meanwhile, remains completely undisturbed by the trail's steepness or skinniness.

"Take a risk for once in your lives! Be daring! Especially when your doing things!"

Ah, I see that Patch lived by the motto of YOLO before YOLO was even a thing. This explains much.

Starlight, once again the voice of reason that would make G3 Pinkie Pie and Wind Whistler very proud of her, says that sometimes its better to be careful. Melody looked mad for some reason, no idea why. Maybe long sparling mountains are the reason why she only has her mom? That or she just has an irrational hatred of mountains.

Patch says that careful is quote 'boring' and proceeds to trot up the mountaintop with a pair of binoculars around her neck. Smart thinking there Patch, on the eye things I mean. She trots up the trail a bit but gets stopped by a police barricade?

Huh. Police confirmed for canon then I suppose. Though I don't think any of them have guns on them, though how would Tales ponies even use them? Eh, lets just assume that Nameless Pony Town Police Offic-ers just use clubs and such.

Also, ripping off older/funnier reviews of this episode aside, this really does sort of remind me of Earth-bound’s opening.+ Funny how that works, isn't it?
So it turns out the Chief of Police (man, Nameless Pony Town is really taking this UFO thing seriously if they've got their version of Sheriff Taylor on the job) is on a first name bases with Patch. I can only assume her pranking as wound her up at the Nameless Pony Town Police Department on more than a hoof full of times.

Patch tries to play dumb about the UFO, but Clover (the rest of the ponies have walked up by this point) accidentally spills the beans. Dang it Clover you had.... well, I won't say one job excatly, but something close to it. Also, Patch has a bag containing what looks like some sort of map scroll, and a lantern. Funny how Ace, the self proclaimed Pony Scout, comes off as way less prepared than Patch at times.

Naturally, Chief Officer Pony is not happy with them, glaring at them as he stands biped style. Also, few things to note about the good Chief of Police: 1. He's got a damn spiffy Police Cap. Such Spiffyness, such grace. 2. He's got a strange belt thing wrapped around his waist, and yet no weapon from what I can see by pausing the video. Not even a club. Odd. 3. Dude has 12th Doctor levels of eyebrow thickness. orig01.deviantart.net/17db/f/...er-d85ue9d.png

Calling it now, Police Pony IS the 12th Doctor, but he's lost his memory and somehow his Scottish Accent with said memory. So guess he pulled a Tenth Doctor then in that Human Nature episode thing? Like to think that this, ironically, puts his within spitting distance of his Ponyfiled granddaughter Susan "Hackney" Foremen, and yet the two never make the connection. Tis the sads.

Also not sure if this makes Patch the Carla of the Pony Multiverse though... Though now that I think about it she'd probably be more like Ace and-
www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1YmS_VDvMY

GAH! Right, so our Pony Seven cast leave, shooed away by the 12th Officer with Patch grumbling how she wants to be like the heroes in books, taking risks and going on adventures. Like I said people, Patch clearly should have been born either a Dream Valley Earth Pony, or somehow become Daring Do's sidekick in Eques-tria. Girl would fit in better then Lunch from Dragon Ball would being placed in the GTA universe.

So we cut to the next day at the school (which I incidentally just noticed has a pony shaped weather vain thingy on top. Cute ^^) where Mrs. Hackney is teaching the class about the wonders of aerodynamics. You know, between this, the math stuff, Bright Eyes project in an Impractical Joker, you got to wonder just what the heck is Mrs. Hackney teaching them grade wise? Or has the school just combined all the grades together for budgetary reasons... Hope you kids REALLY like the slide they installed on the side of the school. Get the feeling that was the first and last time the Nameless Pony Town School Board ever let the student body have a say in things.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1YmS_VDvMY

Alright, alright! So as Mrs. Susan Hackney drones on about science stuff, Patch naturally spaces out and starts day dreaming. So, Patch was me during my late night Latin classes. Naturally, this leads to the song for the episode titled (what else) The Adventure.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQZVNPMRanI

Singing's not bad, think that Brigitta "Meadowlark is best Big Sister Pony" Dau does a pretty tight job singing wise, plus we get some cool imagery. Mind you, since this is a day dream, how much of it is canon is up to the viewer.

My personal highlight list includes: biplanes, parashoots, lions, pirates, submarines, volcanos erupting (which will become especially ironic come Ponies in Paradise), helicopters, parasailing (Patch, watch out for that- SMACK wood mast*), pirate ships, time machines (Silly Patch, that's not a 1960s Police Box!), dinos, the Sphinx, canons, and giant cyclops ponies. Also, the bible may or may not exist, seeing as how Patch pulls a slingshot on the giant and knocks him out with a well-placed stone to the face.

So that's the song, and it is good. Naturally, while Patch is busy making Muffin-style faces it turns out Mrs. Hackney brought a surprise guest to the school. A one Mr. Kadoo, who is apparently an 'old and dear friend' of Mrs. Hackney's. Oh, and he’s got a hot air balloon. Because why not? Also, I guess old and dear friend was the 1990s version of 'bestest friends', right 'Bon Bon' and Lyra?

Also, in keeping with my "Mrs. Hackney is Susan Foreman from Doctor Who" headcanon, I'ma give Mr. Kadoo the first name of David. Because why not?
So after David Kadoo greets the cast, complete with a title drop and tips his top hat to them, he stabs the ground with his cane. Because screw you dirt, you know what you did. Also, him and Mrs. Hackney starts giv-ing each other bedroom eyes. Not those fake bedroom eyes like ya see on Derpibooru. But really truly hon-est to goodness bedroom eyes.

Patch, being the new G4 Rainbow Dash before G4 Dash was ever a thing, wants to jump right into ballooning. Sadly, the hot air ballooning will have to wait. Why? Because we (and by we I mean Mrs. Hackney and David Kadoo. Guess the little pony kids will just have to watch) have to have tea.
Why not balloon first then tea? Because like all great balloonists Mr. Kadoo ‘never discusses ballooning be-fore tea’. I get the impression that this whole aerodynamics lesson was just an excuse for Mrs. Hackney to ask Mr. Kadoo on a date, the sly gal.

So as the class and adult ponies walk back, Bon Bon turns her head back only to see that Patch is fiddling around with the balloon! Well, this can only end well, isn’t that right rich people who run Jurassic Park/World?++

[bobdude]

Part 2

Bon Bon, trying to do her best Shady emponyation, tells Patch to get out of the balloon basket before some-thing bad happens. Because ponies and hot air balloons attract trouble like no ones beeswax. Just ask the G3 ca- Wait, we can ask them when we get to them. But back to the early 90s pony show! Patch then picks up the manual. Convent, but I can’t really think of a better place for a hot air balloonist to keep his book on hot air ballooning, then, well, his hot air balloon.

After giving the book a quick read, Patch starts the valve that starts the flame that gets the balloon going. Lit-tle did Patch know that by using that Valve that she would start a lifelong hat buying addiction. That and a strange fondness for crowbars.

Bon Bon starts freaking the buck out, but Patch says not to worry as the balloon is held down by a handy dandy rope. Cue the rope giving way and the balloon starting to move about. Bon Bon grabs the rope, but even being the Fattest Pony In the Multiverse (save for Lickety Split from Dream Valley) isn’t big enough to hold the balloon in place. Incidentally, I now have a sudden urge to have fatty Tales art commissioned/requested. Odd.
So much against her will, Bon Bon gets shanghaied into the Greatest Balloon Adventure of all time! Well, at least until G3 rolls around that is, but that is a story for another day.

Bon Bon, being the wet blanket for this episode, proceeds to complain about how Patch “Can’t do this!” (fly-ing the hot air balloon adventure thing that is). In fairness, I’d be Bon Bon in this situation too. Never cared much for heights and a hot air balloon…. *shudders* no thanks.
Naturally they and the balloon are soon… Up Up and Away.

…
N-No one, really?

So with the balloon up in the air and floating over everything both Patch and Bon Bon are off on the adven-ture of a life time. I am sure this will only end well.
Rest of the mane cast are chattering about below while the air balloon leaves school grounds. It then passes by Ms. Hackney and Mr. Kadoo who- Wait a moment, lets rewind the video. We can clearly see Mrs. Hackney from the ground just as the balloon is leaving school, while not five seconds later she’s having tea with Mr. Fancy Hat himself…

I’m not saying its zygons, because knowing the luck of the little ponies its probably some sort of mix between zygons and Changelings. Have fun with THAT mental image haunting your nightmares, goodnight everybody!

But yeah, hot air ballooning Patch and Bon Bon (as oppose to both of them having inflated into balloon-like ponies themselves) float over them. Bon Bon feels ill and Patch is high on the drug that is life. And then they pass Tropical Island, which I can only assume is capitalized. No idea how far away Tropical Island (or the house and cliff sides near said island) is from the mane land, though it can’t be too far given that this ‘adventure’ takes place all in one after noon. Eh, Pony and geography have never been on the best of speaking terms, honestly.

Patch goes back to the Great Big Book of Everything Hot Air Ballooning You Could Possibly Want to Know (thing is a pain to translate to other pony countries I can only assume) and talks about how if they want to go higher, then they need to burn more fuel. Cue the fire starting to die down.
Then some whack bird comes by and starts messing with their balloon. Ah. I see Patch and Bon Squared somehow transferred to the Happy Tree Friends universe somehow. They’re doomed.

Bon Bon, in an act of desperation, throws the book (literally) at the bird. It hits but sadly the bird is more an-noyed then anything.
Then Mr. Jerk Bird ups and unties a hole in their balloon (least I think that’s whats going on with the anima-tion and sound effects). So naturally, they start to fall towards the ocean below. Then the fire starts to go out. And the ocean? Filled with sharks. Yes, SHARKS. As in plural, more than just one shark. Jaws on steroids.
Ah, does a heart good to see that no matter how many centuries go by, colorful Little Ponies are still Doom Magnets. G4 Ponyville Flower Trio, you don’t know JACK SQUAT about ‘horror’ try falling to your doom in a hot air balloon in shark infested waters, then come talk to me about horror!
So yeah, as Patch and Bon Squared fall down toward their Final Destination. But just as this show is about to go full HTF on us, the glowing ball of light from before appears next to the balloon. And it turns out… THEIR MOTHER FLIPPING ALICORNS!

… Well, okay so Patch (who is the only one to see them, Bon Bon is cowering in fear under a blanket wondering just how Patch is going to ‘protect her’) calls them magic flying ponies, but still. One of them has a horn and a pair of wings, so that makes them a… pegacorn I suppose?

Yeah, lets go with pegacorn. Because screw all of the other types of corn I say.

So, what (and more importantly WHO) are these magical flying ponies. No idea. S-Seriously, we never get any idea what these glowing dudes deals are outside of the fact that they clearly have a good bit of common sense to them, they fly, and they have magic. Are they aliens? Maybe? Possibly? Probably? I dunno. Fanbases being what they are I think they would have lost their collective stuff back in the day had Tales gone and introduced aliens into an already polarizing slice of life pony show. I’d be like how fans reacted to the Fourth Indy movie, but with whining and stupidity, but I repeat myself.

Me, I go with the idea that the Magic Flying Poniestm are decedents of the Pegasi and Unicorns from the Dream Valley cartoon that interbreed somehow (no idea how the all earth pony Big Brother ponies fit in. Hey, fan theories can’t be completely perfect, okay?) After the magic went away and 99% of all the bipedal rac-es/humans of Dream Valley/Ponyland went the way of the dodo***

Mostly because that’s the theory that makes the most sense to me, dark as it is, also because I’m a hypocritical jerk.

So using their fancy flying glowing showing off magic, the small herd of alien ponies repair the balloon and reignite the flame. Meanwhile, the Happy Tree Friends Grim Reaper shakes a skeletal paw at them, angry at having been denying a perfectly good blood bath before going back to his usual gang of targets, doomed to an endless amnesic reincarnation, only to die painful, gory deaths that even the Keeper of the Crypts must give pause at and-

Seriously, though, Patch and Bon Bon were almost Shark poo. The buck Tales, the buck? Yeah, real regular girly stereotypes, I mean, how did I forget the old worn cliché of almost falling to a watery death and becoming shark food. Might as well have a butler off someone while you’re at it. But, seriously, the ‘almost fell to their watery doom’ is probably easily up there in the top three moments of interest for Tales easily. Because, well, they almost became freaking shark food guys, how do you top that?

Patch, naturally, asks them a number of questions like ‘Who the buck are you guys? What the buck are you guys? Where do you live? Ect al’ In short, all the questions the viewer is no doubt asking themselves as well.

Orange Flying Pony says that Patch needs to be more cautious, even while on an adventure.

Orange Pony says, “My Name is Bright Glow. Farewell Patch!” And then Bright Glow died on the way back to her home planet, and nothing of value was lost. But seriously, the glowing ponies turn into a ball of light and zoom off.

So yeah, thanks to the powers of the Glowing Showing Off Ponies+++ Patch and Bon Bon arrive on the ground safely, while different universes, both Triple Treat and Daring Do feel as if they for some reason want to go a punch their respective versions of Rainbow Dash for some reason…

Anyways, Patch quickly runs off from the others, no doubt in an attempt to track the glowing ufo down.

Also, Sweetheart has a line. Yay more Maggie Blue O’hare! “Isn’t one adventure enough for one day?”

Silly Sweetheart, you’ll never become a level 20 Lovemancer with THAT attitude, no matter what Princess Cadence is teaching you.****

So we cut to sometime at dusk, back on Pony Point where the Glowing ‘UFO’ , where the 12th Officer can only scratch his head in befuddlement as Patch rushes on by. Man, and Patch didn’t even need a cardboard box!

Those Metal Gear guys should have roped her into their convoluted plot thing… Okay my knowledge of MGS starts and ends with the parody in Saints Row 4… So… Yeah. Not many accurate jokes I can make about that.
Moving on.


Patch finally makes her way up the point’s peak where she receives a message on how the world will be destroyed in the future if she doesn’t gather these instrument things with three other people and- No, wait. That’s the opening of Earthbound. Mah bad guyes.

So the Glow N Show Off Ponies appear and again and their leader Bright Glow says that she wanted to make sure Patch got back home safely. Patch askes if she ever see her or the rest of the Glowing Magic ponies again, and Bright Glow says that the future is full of possibilities before flying off in a ball of light for the rest of the series. Probably to go play b ball with Chuck Cunneningham and every other live action/cartoon character that’s been unexplainable dropped over the years.

The episode ends with Patch saying the words (in a fine bit of voice acting from where Brigitta "Meadowlark is best Big Sister Pony" Dau) “I’ll fine you… someday.”

And that day will be half past… Never.

Yeah, we never do find out what the Glow n Show ponies deal is. Could be aliens, could be my theory, could be something else altogether. But either, the Adventure was, well, adventurous. Have no idea if Patch got punished for up and steal the hot air balloon and nearly getting her and Bon Squared killed by way of shark noms, but lets assume that much like Miss. Rainbow “I’ma try and wreck winter cuz my pet’s going to sleep for a few months” Dash (not to be confused with her more mature, sophisticated self from G3) in Tanks for the Memories, Patch was grounded/ verbally reprimanded off screen. That and poor Bons got the therapy she’s going to need after all this.

Upshot of all of this is more shades to Patch's personality, who is rounding out pretty well all things considered.

Speaking of Bons, while my headcanon of Big Beautiful, Confident Young Adult Model Tales Bon Bon is in fact, Best Bon Bon, I will happily admit that Secret Agent ‘Sweetie Drops’ from episode 100 of Fim is easily a very close second.

Also, thought the Yaks were alright. Can’t blame them about getting mad at Pony’s screwing up their culture and insisting that it’s accurate (just tell them the truth for crying outloud), though smashing stuff is a little over the top even by fim standards. As for the Yaks on a whole, just pretend that the prince guy and his two bodyguards are the Worlf of their culture, while all the other yaks (such as the cute baby yak we saw) are more san/rational about smashing stuff.
Other then that, I’m enjoying season 5 pretty good so far, couple of odd qibbles here and there, but I’ve never let that stuff bother me before. Though I am starting to think that G3 Dash and Pinkie are much, MUCH saner and level headed by comparison by now.

But yeah, next time we get the Tales version of a Canterlot Wedding and a return of Tales Shady, aka Clover Bloom! Now with 100% less punch and 50% more justified plot points.



*The Pony Truth is out there… and it is very disappointing and tact on and doesn’t at all live up to the hype.
**Sadly, Patch was unable to obtain the role of Georgina of the Jungle, much to her eternal shame Melody was the one who scored the role, and then proceeded to turn the whole ordeal into a rock opera.
*** Maybe that mice village thing from that episode with the shadow stealing monster guy survived or something. Sure would put Patch’s fear of mice into an interesting perspective.
**** Does anyone else think an AU story where Sweetheart and Heart Throb are the students of Cadence would be pretty cool?
+ An oldie, but a decentie. At least they don’t rabidly hate Tales, which is something I suppose. www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvIFwsrNv8M
++ Having seen the newest movie, if this doesn’t convince the rich/scientists of the JP Earth that bringing dinos back to life is a BAD FUCKING IDEA, I don’t know what will. Seriously, if they make like, a Jurassic Planet or something for the next movie the dinos pretty much deserve to conquer the planet by that point, we’re too stupid to live.
+++ Only $19.99… plus at extra $50 bucks for shipping if you live in America.

[bobdude]

MLP Tales Review 18

Ah, yes. We are in luck today my friends, for today is episode 18, a personal favorite of mine. Returning with us once more is the writing duo of Kayte Kuch and Sheryl Scarborough and let me tell you guys, we are in for a hellaofa good time ahead of us.

Episode starts in media res (or whatever the correct term I’m looking for is) with Clover summarizing the whole "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue" saying (they are in order: Granny's veil, a shinny new comb, BloomMom's* pearl neckless and a blue garter (because ponies wear them apparently)) as she helps her sister Meadowlark prepare for her wedding day.

What? You don't remember Meadowlark? I mean, its not as if- Yeah, okay I already did that bit with Rosey in Episode 15. Point being is we have a new family member: Meadowlark, best sister/wedding bride bar none in the entire franchise of MLP**

She's voiced by the same lady that does Patch's voice now... because reasons? Right, so she’s like a blond grace fuller older version of Clover (with a ballet shoe and star hip symbol), and she's pretty cool. Not that I like or anything, baka pony horse. *eyes shift in denial*

So Clover comments on how she just knows ML is going to be the best bride in the history of brides-

Candace: HA! Keep tellin yo self that sister
Me: Quite you!

and ML puts her hooves on Clove's shoulders (both are standing William style at this point in time btw) and naturally, starts to sing.
ML's VA does a fine job with the song, and its got some cute imagery here and there. My favorite bit bar none though is how even her ML's imagination/singing day dream Clove is STILL a complete and utter klutz. And yet strangely her dream klutziness doesn't destroy/burn down the wedding. (Also, pay attention to those birds flying around song Meadowlark at one point, they'll be important later in a different episode). Foreshadowing or just one guy reading too much into a short lived slice of life cartoon? YOU decide.

Also I kinda like getting the song out of the way early on, not that they're quite the hit/miss quality of the Dream Valley songs (which depending greatly on what character was singing the song in question), but more because of the limited space on time.

Incidentally, I could totally see Cadence singing this song as she got ready for her wedding, and then a knock at her door for a singing telegram interrupts her...
Point being, cute song is cute and I like how it establishes 'What could possibly go wrong?' Meadowlark, I've watched enough Odd Parents in my day to know that the answer to that question is Everything. Always and Forever EVERYTHING can and will go wrong, so don't tempt fate cuz she's a petty gal and-
So, in a bit of unintential hilarity, the song ends and we instantly cut back to the Bloom sisters (who are best sisters, save for MAYBE the Life in the Dreamhouse version of Barbie and her sisters, but that is a story for another day).

We just drop right back in on them. No wobbly screen effects or transition noises or nothin. Just BLAM. Here’s yo pony sisters and stuff.
Tis amusing is what I'm getting at.

So Clover agrees and says that Meadowlark's wedding will be perfect, all while tugging and adjusting the garter from earlier. I just guess Meadowlark is just a pony who randomly sings while she dances at home and Clove is just used to it by now. Sure, lets go with that.
Unforntantly for the reincarnated soul of Shady the Earth Pony Who Can Barely Earth Pony Half the Time+ she winds up tugging on the cloth bracelet thingy (hey, I'ma guy, I'm lucky if I know what a freaking shirt if half the time damnit) and winds up snapping up in the air.

Meadowlark, being a dancer by trade, has no issue just up and catching it in mid air. Seriously, you could make a pony platform game with ML as the playable character and it could work. Clover would naturally be the Legugi of the group. The Super Bloomio Sises. Or something.

Clover then comments on her ineptitude with an adorable line reading from Clove's VA that really sells the cutenss.

Meadowlark, being best sister, has this to say. "You're not clumsy, Clover. You're exuberant and full of life. Or am I mixing you up with the somewhat annoying really pink bug eyed goat pony again?" Clover can't help but ask if she is, in a tone that hints she never really thought of it that way before, and Meadowlark gives her a kiss on the cheek.

Tales, just shut up and take my heart, because you've already torn it out!

In all seriousness though, I really like this little scene. In cartoons too often is it that the big and younger siblings fight and argue, but the Bloom sisters (and possibly the Pine Twins) aren't like they. They support and care for one another, as we'll soon see.

So at this point the rest of the Mane Seven come in and we get a shot of the wedding area. Got us a purple carpet, a podium for the ceremony guy, a tent to keep things shady. Looks like a pretty nice wedding all things considered, BloomDad's a Starving Artist my left butt cheek. Look at all the fancy dung the Bloom family can afford, they're easily capital M Middle Class.

As for why are the mane seven here? Because we've hired the Ocean Group and damnit all if we're not going to get our monies worth out of these then-current 'kids'
Then again, to quote Clover Bloom herself, they DO always do the most fun things together. Like almost getting stuck in a cave for the rest of their short lives! Or eating pizza while watching the Clevaland Bays rock the Buck Out; that works too. Or helping with a wedding. YEEAAAHHHHH!

What good are a bunch of ten year olds (or possibly a few years older if you want to aruge semantics *glares at Warlorn*) to help with a wedding? Probably about the same as a full grown pony with the mental maturity of an eight year old who thinks streamers and balloons are acceptable for the wedding of a Captian of the Royal Guard and a Princess. Or a country farmgirl making the food for a very fancy event. Or, well, you get the idea.

Point is, the rest of the Mane Seven are here to help. The TailTrio naturally want buck all to do with this girly junk, hence why they’re not here. That, or they have lives outside the mane seven. Either possibility is likely here people.

So ML shows off her bridal swag, the greatest of all the swags, and the mane cast oh and ah over her prettiness.

Melody, aka best Kelly Sheridan,pony character, comments that ML looks like she’s marrying royalty. Pfft. A royal pony wedding, like anyone would watch THAT.
Clover goes onto tell the others that Cheval (That’s French for Horse for those of you unknowledgeable in the lingo of love) may not be an actual prince, but he does play one for the theater company and is basically the best damn prince to ever put on a leotard.

Sweetheart, being the romantic of the group, gets all bedroom eyed and swaying, going so far as to fall right on her butt while commenting on how ‘really truly’ romantic it is that ML and French Horse are getting married. That or Tree Hunger has been traveling the multiverse with Discord hoofing out her ‘special’ brownies to random ponies and other beings without a care in the world. Either way, we get a return of the bouncing pony bodies’ sound effect, yay! Ah, bongy pony bottom sound effect, it has been too long old friend.

Clover agrees and then shows off the blingyest of all bridal bling: The wedding ring. Well, okay it looks more like a bracelet with a fancy stone on it to us human, but by pony standards it does count as a ring. After all, it’s not like they got horns or anything to place much smaller rings on them, right?

So as the Mane seven comment on the engagement ring (Sweetheart going so far as to say that it’s the prettiest ever ring she’s seen***) and one of them asks just what a bunch of ambiguously old ten year olds like the can do. While Clover puts on the pearl neckless on ML’s head, she says that there’s still a lot to do. Unfortunately, the neckless snaps and the pearl go flying all over the place. Also, we get a short little up-close shot of Clover’s shocked face. Tis a funny horse face it is.
It’s at this point that we get a shot of easily the best thing about this whole freaking episode (in my humble opinion): Clovemom, who’s sitting on one of those thick cushioned pieces of furniture. Why is she the best thing in this episode, if not all of Tales period? The voice work.

I’m not sure if they switched up the voice actress for Bloommom this episode or if they voice director for this episode forced regular Bloommom va to go all silly, but Bloommon’s reactions and the voice that goes with it this episode are a thing of comedy beauty. Then again I think the likes of JonTron, Caddircerous, and BrutalMoose are funny so what the hell do I know?

Seriously, guys, the way she exclaims about her pearls, the poor pony sounds like she’s gargling water or doing her best fish imponyation.
Right, so back to Ponies when they actually LOOKED like actual ponies and were animated on a budget in Korea.

Clover, bashfully apologizes, proving once and for all that she is the superior shy horse of adorableness. Though that might be my love of LL’s voice acting for Clover talking there.

ML puts a hoof on her sitting, mouth gaping mother telling her everything will be aokay. Meadowlark is also the reason why this episode is so enjoyable, where Bloommom and Clover are running around like chickens with their heads cut off, ML be all “Chill Home Dogs, Cill. Its just a wedding, yo.” Only, ya know, sounding a lot less like she just walked off of the culdsack of the Grove Street hood.

Thankfully, its Bright Eyes and Best Version Starlight to the rescue, who offer to pick the pearls up. Nevertheless, Bloommoan suggests maybe it would be better if Clover and Co stayed out of the way of the wedding preparations, at least until the big event starts.

Clover gets all bashful again and says that she just wants to help, and ML beams at her and gives her a list, starting the Quest of Wedding Preparations. Sadly, this quest does NOT in fact involve enlisting the help of a gnome wizard with a fondness for mushrooms voiced by the then still living Tony Randall.

What does this Quest of Wedding to End ALL THE Weddings involve, you ask? Just the normal stuff, getting the wedding rings, making sure the cake looks right, getting the flowers, fighting off an army of shapeshifting buggy beasts who no one saw coming until they were right atop Ponyland’s collective heads. The usual stuff.

Clover can’t help but express surprise that ML wants her, Clover, to do all this important stuff on the list. And no, thankfully Clover is NOT turning into Dio from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventures. Even Bloommom agrees in shock at Clover having to do all this stuff. Eh, I’ll let that bit of parenting slide considering how aware Clover is of her own kltuzatude and considering this is ML’s wedding day and all, I can see why the normally supportive Bloommom might be just a BIT hesitant in letting the pony that makes Jar Jar Binks look like, well, Meadowlark by comparison.

ML remains steadfast in her decision, though, whispering to Clover in a big sistery way: “I know you won’t let me down.”
Meadowlark for best sister, 1992. I’ma callin it now people. And 93, 94, 95, ect al, ect al. Basically, Meadowlark for best big sister for ALL THE YEARS, even the retroactive ones.

So while the Mane Seven are up on the walkway (have no idea where the wedding thing takes place in full relation to the Bloom house, my guess is that the living room front door was left open… for reasons.) where Clover takes charge and divides up the task.

Starlight and BE are on neckless duty while the rest of the Ponyship go forth into the Town of No Name/Ponyland/Coltonville/Insert your own name of choice here to complete their quest of matrimony. Or should I say, *puts on a pair of sunglasses* Maretrimony?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YMPAH67f4o

But my lame attempts at humor aside, I another reason I enjoy this episode (aside from ML and the comedy gold that is Bloommom) is how Clover is the one to take charge of things here, helps that Starlight and BE are staying this one out back at the house while the neckless gets fixed. Show’s that Clove’s got some fire in her barrel, under her kniluzness and worrywortatude, which is something I like. Taking charge when your naturally brave is easy, taking charge when your Clover, that’s another matter altogether.

So we transition into what I can only assume is the center of Nameless Town (could be worse, the Ponyland Ponies could have named it something like ‘Our Town’ or the like), if that square gazebo thing, fountain, and horse statue is anything to go by.

I like to think that horse statue is Megan Williams, because headcanons.

So after panning over some of the town center scenery, we cut to the inside of the ring store where the pony in charge of the store hooves Clover the box containing the rings. Naturally, between her holding the box and Clove’s expression, you could insert the Dodadona music from Zelda and it would not be out of place in the slightest.
Naturally, they fall out the box and start bounce-rolling (the ONLY way to travel if you are a ring) out the door. Clover and her friends try to rush out the grab them, but five little ponies plus one door way… And add in the Bon Squared Factor… Yeah, point is they clog that doorway worse than a public bathroom in a rundown gas station.
To make matters even worse, the ring want to take a honeymoon into the sewers, which have kindly opened themselves to the rings.

But, at the last possible moment, Captain Hardhat Pony pokes his head out for no reason whatsoever at all and the rings rebound off his helmet and land on Clover’s front hooves.

And that’s how Clover become the next Pink Lantern, wait, wrong story. Also, not enough dead space aliens giving out fancy magic space rings.

Clover questions how the buck that just happens, and Melody replies that it was pure and total luck, with Patch adding that “Clover’s always lucky”. Or as I like to call it, the Clover Bloom Factor.****

Sweetheart than brings up the idea of if its bad luck for someone other than the bride and groom to wear the rings before the wedding, but Clover wants to hear none of that noise.

“Whenever I’m around Meadowlark everything goes haywire!”

And the way poor Clover says it you can tell she believes it, even if it’s not completely true or accurate to reality all the time.

So it’s at this point that we hear some outrageously… decent French accents. Least I think their decent. Then again I’m American so what the buck to I know?

*****French without being overly French, ya know. Point being we see this stallion and mare handing out by the fountain (and no, they weren’t in the previous establishing shot earlier). Turns out 11th Doctor Cosplay stallion is Cheval, the dude that ML is getting hitched with. He’s got dark red mane, cream coat, and a fancy a buck top hat. I like the top hat, shows a nice bit o class it does.

So the rest of the Mane Five canter off towards them but then Mare pony (Who has blue eyes like Cheval and the same cream color coat, though a brighter orange-red mane) starts talking and showing off her ‘engagement ring’ and to make matters worse, Cheval replies “A beautiful girl like you deserves a beautiful engagement ring.”
Welp, this episode just took a hell of a dark turn. Turns out Cheval is twotimming Meadowlark!

*What a twist clip*
Or at least, that’s what Bon Bon and Patch assume, which means naturally Clover buys it too. Well, I’m sure this hasty assumption lacking its wider context can’t possibly backfire, just look at most internet video reviews!

…Annnnddd then Suzette (that’s the mare pony) says that she loves Cheval, and Cheval replies the same while kissing her on the forehead.
You know, sometimes there is something to be said for jumping to conclusions. BURN THE WAIFU TWO TIMMER!
To worsen matters, the two French lover ponies are trotting over to our intrepid heroines! And none of them thought to bring their cardboard boxes with them! Thankfully, there's a nearby set of flowers they can all side in, which they do by way of a xylophone sound effect. Clearly, that is what the next Metal Gear game needs, MOAR xylophone!

The good news is that in the Tales verse, large wheeled flower displays are just as good as cardboard boxes (take note Snake). The bad news? Those flowers were for Meadowlark’s wedding. Naturally.
Clover is naturally not happy about any of this. First her big sister’s future husband to be is a cheater (and they two ain’t even married yet, which as to be SOME sort of record for cheating on your signif other somewhere), and the flowers have been smashed flat. You know, maybe there are advantages to having super skinny legs and thin barrels after all.
So Clover tell Sweetheart and Patch to head back to WQ (that’s Wedding Quarters for you civilian types) to try and salvage the flowers as best they can and above all DON’T tell ML about Cheval. That can wait until Clover, Melody, and Bon Bon have keelhauled his butt back to the house and he can explain in ponyson why he is officially THE worse pony to end all ponies. And considering his competition is a one dimensional non fatty bully Diamond Tiara and Season One “Obnoxious and Overrated” Trixie++, that’s saying a lot!
So our remaining PonThree head off to have a nice friend chat with Cheval that may or may not involve a wood baseball bat somewhere in the process. Naturally, the bat would not be held by Clover.
On a brighter note, Melody’s face when the three of them trot off to find Cheval is very grumpy/mad. I think it looks very cute for some reason.
So Sweetheart and Patch put a tarp on the flowers, with Sweetheart commenting adorably that she hopes they didn’t ruin the flower completely. Also, it’s at this point that we learn that Clover Bloom’s last name is, in fact, Bloom. Don’t know if this means that Cheval will be keeping his wife’s name, since he doesn’t seem to have one, or what, honestly. Draw your own ideas people.
So later, at the Wedding Hall of Justice. BloomMom opens door and tries to take the flowers from them to get them ready for the wedding. Patch leaps up on the flower box (thus squashing the poor things further) and says that she and Sweetheart will take care of them.
Cue the three getting in a tug o war and BloomMom freaking the buck out when she sees the flowers. (also, she naturally blames Clover for this. Well, to be fair, Clover was the one put in charge of all this, but still-) ML is still chill as a block of ice though. Because she is best pony like that.
Patch even says she’ll just make a new bocae of flowers from the Bloom Family garden. … Because Patch can do that apparently. Eh, I suppose if G4 Dash can master the Sonic Rainboom to the point of being able to do it on command for a Royal Wedding I guess I can let this one slide.
So ML comments on how great the flowers from their own garden thing will be, with her mentioning how much French Horse will love it as well.
Naturally, this starts up Sweetheart’s waterworks. (Have I mentioned Maggie Blue’s crying is super adorbs yet? No? Well it is, and now you guys know.)
Patch: *nonchalantly* Don’t mind her, she always cries at weddings.
Princess Candace: Please, this is nothing. You should see my husband when we go out to those romantic movies… which is incidentally why we don’t go out to them anymore. Only so many times you can flood a movie theater with tears even when your royalty.
*Everyone else stares at Candace*
Sweetheart: Um… excuse me miss random pink pony lady, but I think there’s something wrong with the entire shape of your head, and you have some weird feathery growths on your sides too.
Meanwhile back with WORSE PONY ONE AND TWO.
We have French Horse and Suzette trotting along down the streets of Nameless Ponytown or Whateverville, while the two chat. Also, they pass this big (by 1992 standards) TV, CD player, and speaker system twice I think. French Horse is all: Yo sure about this? And Sue is all: HELL YA I AM! MARRIAGE HO!
French Horse: Whoa Horse, hold your Horseness, yo butt gonna need some mad cake up in your grill if yo going to get married.
Something like that, only less early 90s Black Urban As Thought Up By White People and more French. Like 100% more French.
Clover comments rhetorically how Cheval can be marring her when he’s supposed to be marring ML.
I’d make a comment about Dream Valley living in herds and stuff, but that would derail this review/commentary enough as is… Well, slight more than usual at least.
So a blue coated pony with a red mane (what, is blue coats with red manes just the ‘CIS White Male’ for the Tales universe when it comes to Male ponies. We got Mr. Tidwell, Teddy, Lancer, and now the baker guy. Maybe there’s some sort of secret Blue and Red pony society going on or the like?) chief pony walks out biped style with a giant wedding cake.
Naturally, the cake is for ML’s wedding. More ponies talk while the PonThree do their best Snake imponations (look, I don’t know any other stealth games from pop culture but Metal Gear, and the only thing about MG I know is FROM pop culture and maybe that one mission in Saints Row 4. WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME?! ) and eventually Clover decides enough is enough.

Clover Bloom: CHEVAL! WE WOULD HAVE WORDS WITH THEE!

Sadly, Clover Bloom was not empowered with the strength of the Mighty Thor, and being Clover she winds up running her attempt at badassery (FOR THE SISTERNESS OF MEADOWLARK! FOR THE WEDDING!) as she trips and rolls head first into the cake.

And Peter Parker thinks HE has it bad…

… Great, now I want to see a picture of Clover Bloom as Spider Mare.

So Baker Pony guy (who aside from BloomMom has the second funniest lines delivered in this episode) exclaims: “MY CAKE! YOU’VE RUINED IT!

But Clover isn’t going to let her naturally Cloverness and being covered in cake stop her big sister’s honor has been impugned based RAGE from ceasing.

So with cake on her coat (and frosting probably wedged up her butt knowing Clover’s luck) Clover proceeds to tear him a new one. Think a Chief Ramsey rant but with less cursing and cooking and more “You are a bad pony and should feel bad!”

Clover then gallops off and says she’ll tell ML herself that the wedding is off.

Bon Bon then has this to say: “HOW COULD YOU?!”

Both French Horse and Sue look at each other with an expression that can best be summarized by their native French: Le buck?

Meanwhile, at the Hall of Wedding Justice, Starlight and Bright Eyes have done their part of plan “For the Love of Megan, keep this wedding gravy train moving, do you have ANY idea how many works of art Mr. Boom had to sell to get this whole thing off the ground?”, in that their greeting pony guests entering the reception area.
Also, I think adult Ruby Pinch is here for some reason, because even back before G4 even existed, the G4 ponies still can’t help but poke their noses in things.
Meanwhile, inside the House of Wedding Justice, Bloomom is frantically cantering around a still crying Sweetheart (damn, when she needs to turn on the waterworks, she REALLY turns on the waterworks) wondering just where in the seven bucks French Horse and the cake are.

It’s at this point that Clover bursts through the front door (thankfully, no axe in sight) leaving a trail of cake flying on the carpet rug. Naturally this makes Bloommom freak out even more.

“IS THAT WEDDING CAKE?! CLOVER, HOW COULD YOU?!” (I get the impression that that last question is something Clover often asks herself when something goes horribly wrong in her life).

Clover tells ML to sit her haunches down and that she has something horrible to tell her. She (clover) has the AIDS. Wait, no, that’s the script of a Captain Planet episode. Oops.
ML naturally thinks its about the cake (can’t blame her given Clover’s current appearance).

Clover tries to get the word out on Cheval (repeating the name a few times probably because she ran from the bakery to her house and is no doubt catching her breath or the like) but then French Horse and Sue show up with the ruined cake.

Clover orders French Horse to spill the beans, but FH is naturally clueless as to just what the hell is going on here (So, basically I’m an American version of FH since that sums up most of my life in a nutshell. Huh? Explains the cravings for fancy hay I’ve been having as of late).

So finally Clover spells everything out (from her point of view) how FH and Suzette are getting le hitched and the wedding is off.
Ham-mom, I mean, Bloommom, collapses into an easy chair from the stress of it all.

But ML has another bomb to drop on top of this one. Turns out that the Tales verse does NOT in fact run off of the Wincest rule of shipping. Thank God for that.

This leaves Clover very confused and disappointed that her One True Pairing did not, in fact, become canon.
Turns out the only pony that French Horse Sister plans to marry is some guy called “Alpear” (its french, I’m American, I don’t have the script for this episode so hell all if I know how to spell this dung. I’m lucky I can spell in English half way decently most of the time).

Melody comments on how they’ve blown it (with Bon Squared nodding wordlessly in the background) and its at this point that Clover breaks down in tears. You can’t help but feel for the poor girl here. Here is thought she was saving her sister from some two timing jerk, but it turns out she was completely off base altogether. I mean, the only way she could have been any MORE wrong was if French Horse and Sister Pony were shape shifting bug ponies who feed off of love, but that would just be silly.
Meadowlark, however, is remaining cool as a boss (like a cucumber!), wiping Clover’s tears with a hanky pulled from Pony Hammer Space (or possibly her butt, either is a likely possibility) and says that they’ll just fix the mistakes.)

So cue to the rest of the mane seven going around a fixing things up. Also, in a bit of awesome highliarity Bon Bon (who is between the ages of 10 to 13) is able to fix the ruined cake made by a professional adult. The TEN YEAR Old, fixes a professionally made wedding cake. And that, people, is why (with the expectation of maybe fatty Tumblr Diamond Tiara) Tales Bon Bon is best fatty pony waifu. Or at least my best fatty pony waifu.
Seriously, though Bon Squared manages to completely remake the cake after just seeing it for like, what, 30 seconds at most? Girl has mad baking skills. Cakes had best watched themselves. Naturally, being the type of gal that she is, Bon Squared tries to sneak a bite, but Melody threatens to force her into the room of rock n roll music until she becomes a mindless rock groupie like the rest of her growing entourage- Wait, no. That’s the Worse Pony version of Starlight. Oh well.
So the wedding is ready to go and-
*objection clip*


What’s this? The rings are missing? THAT’S NOT GOOD! Seriously, can’t have a wedding without the rings or this whole thing has been a waste of time and money.
So while Bloommom and Bloomdaugther break down in sobs (I can only assume that Sweetheart is STILL CRYING by this point seeing as how we haven’t seen her since then, that or she’s taking a potty break or something).

ML: *thinking to herself while smiling calmly* Thank Megan and the rest of the Great Ones I didn’t get mother’s drama genes.
It’s at this point that Bon Squared get an idea and starts rummaging through the cake like its an old trunk, turns out the rings were in the cake the whole time! I’d question why Bon Squared didn’t find them earlier, but eh, rule of drama and all that.

“See mother, as you can see everything is fine. Now stop acting like a chicken with its head cut off while the sky is falling and the Dark One as returned to enslave all of Pony Kind. Seriously, mom, it’s a wedding not the end of the world, get a hold of yourself mare!” (okay, fine, ML doesn’t say any of that past the fine part, but I like to think she’s secretly thinking that or something like it).

[bobdude]

Review 18 part 2

So with the rings found, and ML and Cheval looking fancy as two wedding mini horses can look, the wedding starts. Or that is to say that the episode is in its last 30 seconds, so we just cut to the “I do” part of the wedding, leaving the fascinating question as to just where Ponyland/Tales verse likes in terms of Organized Religion/Spirituality. Seriously, I’m not even sure if the orange pony guy who even hitches them together is a priest or not. He has the collar thing that priests wear but other than that, who knows. Maybe there’s like a Church of Danny or Molly or something, while Megan is more like a sort of Mother Nature/Pagan figure? I dunno.
But arguments of pony faith aside, the episode ends with hand drawn Korean animated background ponies cheering, while Meadowlark thanks Clover for making her special day extra special.
Why do I get the feeling ML and Celestia would get along very well in terms of the fun department?
But yeah, that was Sister of the Bride. Naturally, you (if you are an unoriginal hack like myself) can make a lot of comparisons to a Canterlot Wedding (which I for the record do NOT in fact hate, in spite of my many take that’s throughout the review, though it has been ages since I’ve seen it).
Me, I like to think of it as an inverse of CW. Although considering Tales came first, you could say that CW was a Sister of the Bride knock off, but that would be stupid.+++
Where as Twilight was alone in thinking that Not! Cadence was generically evil (seriously, Twilight, you couldn’t point out anything like the changes in magic color or even just come up with a specific KIND of evil?), Clover had the non smart/level headed members of the mane seven (think its telling that BE and Best Starlight were left behind) egg her on with the whole “Cheval is a cheater cheater who cheats on your sister”. That, and their all between the ages of 10 to 13 so, them jumping to conclusions is a touch more… justified? I suppose than Twilight being a grumpy grump who (for all the books she reads) clearly needs to work on the art of “Taking five seconds to think dung through”.
One could also make comparison of Clover Bloom to Shady from the last MLP cartoon, or Muffins/The Pony Formally Known as Derpy. But whereas Shady would spend her time needing Molly to get her the god knows how much therapy/medicine she’d need to work out her self-worth/image issues (forget the mane six, SHADY’s the one who needs the emotional/mental help the most) and Muffins is, well, frankly a gray version of Minty with wings slapped on with less giggle-snorting, Clover has her relationship with her friends and more importantly, her sister that add depth and detail to her character. (By little girl cartoon standards that is)
It’s when helping Meadowlark or thinking that her honor has been threatened that the fire in Clover’s belly really lights up. She gets honestly pissed at the misunderstanding of Cheval’s relationship with Sue Horse, and having her give him a pretty nice verbal tear down for a kids show from the group klutz. Plus its pretty cool to see her giving the orders as it were, without BE to Starlight to the lead.
Unlike Muffins (who is a background character with no real strong ties to many ponies save for maybe the Doctor) or Shady (who can’t even earth pony correctly half the time and lives in a world with Unicorns and pegsi), Clover clearly values her friends and her relationship with her sister a great deal. They bring her out of her ‘I’m an incompetent screw up that can’t do nothin’ right’ shell and show the fire that lurks underneath and the big heart she has (such as the ticket episode, I am of the firm opinion that whoever added that episode to under the broken morals bit needs their head examined, if it was any other pony beside Clover, I might understand… But just… whatever).
Point is compared to Shady’s Varying Mileage of Self Esteem Issues or Muffins, well, Minty-knock offness (Minty at least was original Sock pony and dealt with her screw ups and tried her best to fix them when she did screw things up), Clover Bloom’s probably got the most character of the three of them, and we haven’t even gotten into Clover’s best episode in the show yet. (and yet she has such a lack of fanart/fiction. I blame the lack of a background pony baby that looks a lot like her that the fans can latch onto in an attempt to Dep- I mean, Clove, more sympathetic and earn some sweet sweet Woobie points).
As for Meadowlark? She’s not a complex pony by any means, but she’s got all the warmth and caring that a good big sister should have, and she gets points for NOT going all bridezilla on everbody, like you’d expect the cliché to fold out. Plus she’s just such a cute big pony. If the show had gone on and if the writers had tackled the ‘baby enters the family’ plotline at some point, I get the strong feeling Meadowlark would make a good mom.
Cheval is French for Horse. He’s a pony, he’s French. He is NOT in fact in love with/marrying his sister (thank Megan for small mericals)… And that’s about it.
So, hope you guys paid attention to those birds in ML’s song, because next time them and their feathers are going to be pretty important.

*Referring to CloveMom and Clove dad as BloomMom and Dad so as not to undermine the best sisterness that is Meadowlark
** Okay so her competition is a Pegasus born-turn Alicorn Princess that got kidnapped by a shapeshifting bug queen and a Jenny Mule, she's still best wedding bride damnit, far as I'm concerned.
*** Because more Maggie Blue OHare’s Sweetheart will ALWAYS be a good thing in my book.
**** And yes, I’ll be giving all the rest of the mane seven their own ‘Factors’ at some point as well.
***** The answer is jack and squat.
+ Seriously though, Clover and Shady have a fair bit in common, only difference is Clove has a stronger body and slightly less self-esteem issues than Shady did. Incidentally, I am now imagining a Pony version of Evingellional where Jill Ward (the voice of Shady who I have NO idea if she is still alive or not) voices a pink pony female version of Shenji. Because I literally just realized that Shady is like the pony version of Shinja with less messed up friends/family/setting. That or I'm just weird. Can't rule that possibility out either.
++ While I quite like show canon “Has a serious guilt complex and good with kids” Princess Luna, I will forever be baffled why she and someone as lame as Trixie have their own spin off universe thing. Seriously, if the guy who created the Lunaverse had just waited a few years, he would have had the perfect opposite Twilight in the form of Sunset Shimmer. Trixie works alright for Boast Buster, in terms of being Twilight’s foil, but not over all in my view. Then again I will always have a soft spot for the Candace verse, which is best fan pony verse as far as I am concerned.
+++ This has been your daily Stupid Comics reference, people, goodnight and drive safe.

P.S. Anyone who still thinks that BloomDad is a ‘Starving Artist’ REALLY needs to go back and rewatch the Clover episodes. Given where he sells his art, the fact that his wife can afford to be a housemare with just one of them working, the fact that all Clover gets is a few weeks grounding for causing HOW many knows worth of thousands of Jangles worth of water damage, the fact that they can afford to pay for both their daughter’s to get dancing lessons, and the wedding makes the Bloom family about as poor as Richie ‘My family’s so stupidly rich we have to be fictional characters in order for reality to not collapse in on itself” Rich.